Personal Finance

Finance and Love: What Islam says about finances in a marriage

 

Islam is a communal religion and aims to create communities that look out for each other. The key building block to creating that outcome is the family, and one of the most important lubricating factors that creates and grows a happy, prosperous family is money and finances.

We regularly see questions such as “how much money should I give my wife?”, “should my wife have a monthly allowance”, “should I be spending money on my wife?” (this one is easy – yes!) or people complaining of financial problems in marriage more generally. Given the focus of these questions, in this article we focus in on the husband-wife relationship.

First I will outline what the financial responsibilities are between husband and wife and then get into the modern practicalities e.g. Should I have a shared bank account? Who pays for the wife’s commuting costs to her job? What standard of living do my children/wife deserve? Who pays for childcare when the wife goes to work?

Husband’s financial responsibilities

The sharia and Islamic scholars are clear that the man has the major (almost exclusive) financial responsibility for his nuclear family. The Prophet said:

“Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them.” [Muslim/Bukhari]

He has the responsibility to meet

  • his children’s needs – even where he gets divorced and the wife takes the children;
  • his wife’s needs (including lodging, clothing, food, cosmetics, health etc); and
  • where his parents get old, his parent’s needs.

Notice I said “needs” not “wants”. That’s an important consideration. The Qur’an says:

“But the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis” [al-Baqarah 2:233]

But the Qur’an also says:

“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him” [al-Talaaq 65:7]

So “reasonableness” is the name of the game here when working out if something is a “need” or a “want”. If the husband is rich and/or is marrying someone from an affluent background, he is naturally going to have to spend some money on  the better stuff – the organic local ketchup rather than the Tesco-branded ketchup, for example! But if he runs into financial hardship, then Tesco-branded ketchup will have to do and the wife has to live with it.

The underlying contract laid bare is this: the husband has contracted with his wife (by giving her the dowry) for sexual exclusivity to him. The nikah is very much a contract in Islam and one can add lots of further conditions therein (e.g. husband will pay for education, wife will be allowed to work, the husband is only allowed to marry one wife, the wife has the right to divorce if xyz happens etc). But that is just the form of this deep and loving relationship and I would not advise getting very “legal” about the nikah contract. Quite aside from it making it very difficult for you to get married (imagine turning up with lawyers to meet your future spouse’s parents), it is also not really in the spirit of the religion. For that we look to the Qur’an when it says:

“Men are responsible for women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

What this verse is saying (among other things) is that men must look after/protect their wives  physically (particularly relevant for more dangerous parts of the world) and financially and are responsible for them. The wife has committed herself to the husband and entrusted herself to him – so that’s the least she deserves.

In fact this is a pretty big deal. So important in fact that the Prophet emphasized the point in his farewell sermon when he said:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Indeed you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can pull them up on that but not harshly. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

Wife’s financial responsibilities

Well technically the wife has no financial responsibilities to the husband, her children, or maintaining the household. Yes, that’s right – nothing. Not even if she is rich or is working. If the husband is a humble shopkeeper while the wife is a doctor, the husband still has the technical responsibility to support the household on his own.

But the reality is, a successful marriage is not one seen through the prism of contracts and legal rights. In fact, in my experience, spouses who do do that, don’t last together for long. In reality the practice (as opposed to theory) of marriage is this:

“They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them” (Quran 2:187)

That means you each look out for each other, cover up each others’ flaws, and fill in the gaps left by the other.

So it is from the perfection of a wife that she chips in where it feels appropriate, but it is from the perfection of the husband that he doesn’t make her feel like she has to.

The Prophet’s advice to a companion was:

‘Aa’ishah said: “Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your children.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714)

So even when a husband is being a bit difficult, the Prophet advised the wife to be reasonable and to keep “sufficiency” in mind.

Practical points

Its all well and good outlining the responsibility of the husband and the wife but in our 21st century world family patterns have evolved. So here are a few common points of contention/query.

Should I have a shared bank account?

There is no “Islamic” answer to this. It is really upon your convenience. If the wife is a stay-at-home wife, then I would suggest that a shared bank account (into which you pay your salary) would practically make the most sense as that is the common pot from which you will both spend.

Where you both work, then its up to you. With my wife I have both a joint account and separate accounts. She also has a spouse credit card linked to my account. The net effect is, her salary/savings stay in her account and she can spend from that as she pleases, and where she makes any household purchases/food etc. she will pay for it using the credit card (i.e. I will pay for it).

Who pays for the wife’s commuting costs to her job?

This is an interesting question to which there is a rather academic answer and a more practical answer.

The academic answer is that as this is part of the wife’s business (i.e. a pursuit through which she gets remunerated) she should pay for it.

However the practical answer is, given you’ll be paying for the petrol or commute costs for everything else, it probably makes sense not to draw that distinction in such a linear way and the husband should just pay for it – unless the wife is happy to pay.

What standard of living do my children/wife deserve?

Your wife and children deserve a reasonable standard of living, given your financial position. The wife in particular deserves a standard of living at least equal to that which she was used to prior to marriage (unless the husband has flagged to the wife before marriage that times could get hard!).

I recommend a fixed monthly transfer to one’s wife (“pocket money” if you want to call it that) as that enables her to have some freedom in being able to spend without having to always ask the husband. This is particularly the case where you have separate bank accounts.

Who pays for childcare when the wife goes to work?

Again, an interesting question. There are two ways this analysis can run. Either we construe this cost as  cost associated with the wife working, or we construe this as part of the husband’s general responsibility to maintain his children. Arguments for the former are that were the wife not to work she would look after the child (and as the hadith on shepherds suggests above, looking after children is primarily the responsibility of the wife). Arguments for the latter are, that the nikah contract is in relation to sexual exclusivity – not childcare. The shepherd hadith specifies guarding the husband’s property and children – and so long as that is achieved the wife has fulfilled her bare responsibility. The wife has not contracted to be the child-minder of the husband’s child.

Again, the pragmatic practicalities of life are slightly removed from the technicalities. In my case I pay for my son’s childcare but my wife gets a voucher from her work and contributes that.

How much do I own of joint investments?

From a purely technical perspective it makes sense for the ownership to link with the amount you contribute financially to that particular investment or property.

But from a fairness perspective, if you are a wife who doesn’t earn and yet you are managing the household and looking after the kids, it makes sense that a reasonable proportion of the investments and property would be yours. This is also helpful from an inheritance perspective later on as it makes it easier to stay in the property after your husband passes.

And of course the mahr of the wife is entirely hers to do with as she wills.

Really importantly though – you should clarify all this before either of you passes away – as when there are things left up in the air, you end up with disputes over inheritance. Practically the best way to clarify all this is going through the process of writing a will. That way you get legal advice on your situation as well. We provide a cost-efficient and tax-structured Islamic wills service for UK residents here. It’s all online and takes 20 minutes.

You can check out a bunch of sharia-compliant investment options that we have vetted from across the globe here.

Conclusion

The husband has the financial responsibility for his family in Islam, however a wife, especially one that works, should contribute to the expenses as much as she thinks is appropriate (though she mustn’t feel like she should from her husband’s side). This is particularly so where the husband is relatively less affluent. Speaking personally, during the earlier part of my career my wife has loaned me money at times where otherwise it would been impossible to make ends meet. That’s how marriages work in reality. Bit of give and take, and lots of muddling along!

If you want an expert Islamic finance mufti to give you their personalised fatwa on your situation, please ask on our Fatwa Forum here.

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  • We are all familiar with the Islamic framework you have outlined – “The sharia and Islamic scholars are clear that the man has the major (almost exclusive) financial responsibility for his nuclear family.” It is an excellent example of how the patriarchal culture of the prophet’s era has intruded into religious thought, where it does not belong. Of course, western culture was patriarchal too until recently, and Islam did improve the situation of women relative to what it had been.
    Several points come to mind.
    1. When we talk about gender differences, we are treading on dangerous ground. Even if there are such differences statistically across men versus women, it is a mistake to impute such differences to any individual as those scholars have done. I have met women who are excellent and knowledgeable financial advisors, and many men do fritter their money away. While I am a CFA and familiar with ETFs, the capital asset pricing model, efficient frontiers, value at risk, and portfolio management software, I think my wife is better organized at household finances than I am. Personal differences are far more important.
    2. With the transient nature of employment today, the situation of a house-husband and a working wife is not that uncommon. It may suit the couple’s situation very well, and religious preconceptions should not stigmatize it.
    3. The nature of work has obviously changed. A man’s physical strength and stamina were positive attributes at the time of the prophet, and coloured views on gender. In the modern workplace, however, the attributes of communication and human relations are arguably more important in many jobs. Women are said to have the advantage with respect to these attributes – but as said earlier I do not like to generalize about gender differences. There are some men who are still excellent communicators and managers!
    4. I like the way your discussion ends by advocating flexibility – “That’s how marriages work in reality. Bit of give and take, and lots of muddling along!”

    Reply
    • 1 – I agree we need to be careful. There are exceptions in each group. What I think Islam is great at, is giving a general framework that works for most people, but also leaving enough flexibility for the outliers.
      2/3 – take your point on the evolving landscape of jobs. I’ll have a further think on this.
      4 – thanks!

      Reply
  • It missed the point somewhat to treat finances in a relationship at such a basic level. Money is a means to an end, and as a community Muslims have lost sight of that. Moreover the purpose of a family as an institution is in stark contrast to the kind of mindset a woman has when she condemns her children to others care, particularly when those others are not trustworthy in their moral compass and lack Islamic values. It is jarring to see our children being put through this whilst we worry about who pays for it!

    Reply
    • salaam Moemen – so your key concern here is that women must look after the children themselves? Would be great to hear what other aspects of the relationship (within the IFG remit of course) you’d like us to explore and we would be happy to.

      Reply
  • Asalam Alaikom,
    A really brilliant article and one that I have been searching for a long time. Please can I ask what your thoughts are on the purchase of e.g. house, care, land etc? So say the couple decide to purchase a house via a sharia compliant plan and the wife uses her own money to help with the deposit, how should this be done if her contribution is significantly higher than the husbands (e.g. 70% of deposit)? Should this be reflected in how much of the house she owns? Also, who is responsible for the monthly payments?
    jazakallahkhairan

    Reply
    • Good question – we’re going through this right now funnily enough.

      The way we’ll probably do it is I’ll pay the bulk (70/80% of deposit) but give my wife a 50% stake in the property (or hold it as joint-tenants).

      Having said that, there is nothing wrong with keeping it very clean and saying:

      You pay 70% of the deposit, you pay 70% of the ongoing payments – you own 70% of the house.

      Or if x pays 70% of the deposit, but then only contributes 50% of the ongoing mortgage payment, you can tot up the eventual total each person will have paid and split the house accordingly.

      Basically, it is the husband’s responsibility to provide for a house and so him owning outright is fine. But in the interest of giving the wife extra security in case he dies, and in the interest of letting the wife invest her savings into property, a joint-ownership arrangement can work.

      Reply
      • My wife’s share was around 60 percent, so as you just mentioned, to give her sense of security, I have made her soul owner of the house, but in this case what complications could arise later on? I was warned by relatives and friends not to name her completely house but to please Allah I comply her concern of security that she wanted.

        Reply
        • You should retain legal ownership of the 40%. This is importnat when it comes to inheritance but also in case you get divorced.

          Reply
  • i need some advice. my husband wants to take loan to finance his sisters wedding. thatll take us 4-6 years to pay back. we have been married for nearly 3 years and in the past i have helped him pay off his huge loans 2 times. few times my brother and dad helped us but now im sick and tired of always covering up for his financial responsibilities. i feel like giving money to his family for their needs is one thing but basically financing for a lot of shi*tty desi customs is just nonsense. im really mad and hurt and contemplating separation. he says its his responsibility to fulfill his duty towards his parents and sister. any advice

    Reply
    • Hmmm – it sounds like a tricky situation tiredmuslimwife – my sympathies.

      1. This is not your responsibility. Weddings should be paid for by the groom or, if it has to be someone from the girl’s side, then the father.
      2. Paying extravagant amounts for weddings that are going to result in crippling debt is just silly. The Prophet’s weddings are our example – and they were very simple.
      3. Without having any sense of your wider relationship, I would of course say that separation is not something you should easily turn to unless you have exhausted all other options of reconciliation. In this case it might be helpful for you to ask your husband to talk to an Islamic scholar you both respect and get his advice on the matter.

      Hope that helps iA. If it is at all helpful, drop me an email (ibrahim@islamicfinanceguru.com) and I am happy to talk to your husband if needed.

      Reply
      • Salam alaikum. My wife says from time to time ..” i have a right on your money ” and means that i should give her a ” salary . What is the islamic answer i should give her . Considering i pay for every thing and all what we need use or wish . Her daughter is 15 and i choose only from the very best when it comes to privat school or laptop or traveling to turkey or omra or any thing else .i pay but. I refuse to pay a salary , or worst pocket money …( my wife is not a child ) she get a credit card as eell linked on my account .. the point seems to be she want me to give her money for herself wich is not acceptable as ” my “money is not mine but those of several people .. wife ,wifes’daugther , people i have to support in form of sadaka .to say is also we are living far higher than the average in indonesia or turkey even in europe . We fly all 3 several times to holiday as well i support her parents( to be clear with more as 3 salary of local high school teacher /year ) if her family beed money we borrow some and give ss well some . But i refuse to pay a salary .when a man pay a woman this is not good at all .

        Reply
  • Hello can I have some advise please, signing a Nikah contact does it give a man or woman financial gain to assets if the marriage doesn’t work out.?

    Reply
    • Depends on the wording of the nikah contract. Typically the Mahr is the woman’s to keep unless she foregoes it.

      Reply
  • Salam alaykom..
    I have a question if a husband leave hes wife because of she alcan work and help with the economic part because she is sick, what does Islam say about that?

    Reply
  • You wrote about the modern world and in that context, what is a husbands duty towards his sick wife?
    For example when she was healthy she worked but has be unable to work for 3 years but is now made to feel she should work.

    I’m not saying my husband is cruel, just there are moments where he forgets I’m ill and makes me feel bad for not working. He believes a husband and wife should go halves in everything believe it or not with whatever little money I get I still try to go halves but there are times he is harsh and makes comments about how a wife should help her husband financially.

    Jzk

    Reply
    • Appreciate your situation. You should not have to work to support your household against your wishes. But you should be sensitive to the situation too if your husband is poor etc.

      Reply
  • Asalamu Alaikum,
    My husband and I both are students 26 yrs old, i come from a lower middle class family and he comes from an upper class family. I have recently quit my job to focus solely on my studies/other ventures as i was finding it difficult to do both. My husband lives/studies in another country (long distance relationship, meet up every 4 mnths) and his mother pays for all his expenses (he has lots of family money, he has told me multiple times ). In this case, now that I do not have a job and my parents are sick and do not earn, is it an obligation on my husbands part to provide me with allowance/pocket money/take care of my basic expenses? I feel bad asking for money from him (self respect etc as he doesnt work and i often feel like its unfair and uncessary for his mother to pay for my expenses) but i do struggle financially often. Especially when I leave for weeks at a time (take time off work not get paid or lose my job) to go stay with him where he studies inorder to take care of him (he struggles being alone, has severe anxiety), cook for him and take care of his house. I go on my mother in laws insistence and my husband calls me when he needs me (they mostly pay for my tickets, but some trips i have to pay).

    Furthermore, his studies will take up another 3 4 years. I would like to grow my family, does he still have to pay for expenses if we have a child or am i obligated to work in that case to provide for our child?

    JazakAllah

    Reply
    • hmm.

      Your husband is technically obliged to meet your needs (not your parents). You are right to feel a bit hesitant to ask him as he is a student. If the understanding is that you were foregoing your right that he maintain you initially while he is studying – then you shouldn’t ask. But if there was no discussion about this – then he is obliged to pay for you – but you should be sensitive and reasonable about it given he is studying and his parents would otherwise be paying. But you can ask for that support if you need it.

      Reply
  • I have been married for twenty years and have worked all of these years. My husband worked for the first few years then got laid off several times and then eventually retired. He has invested his money in stocks and lost all of it. Then he invested all of his retirement funds and lost that too. Then he took out credit card loans and also lost that money. Then he took money from our savings account which he also lost. Recently he has again taken out all of of our savings and invested again without asking or telling me. I find out afterwards. When I asked him to put the money back he said that this is his business and that he has learned from his past mistakes and this is a great investment …..etc etc. this is the same story that I have been hearing for twenty years … and I am really fed up with it now.
    My husband is very caring and a great father but this aspect of him is really killing the relationship.
    Please advise

    Reply
    • You should take steps to put your savings (especially personal savings) into accounts which he doesn’t have access to. Doesn’t sound like a responsible guy from your description.

      Reply
  • As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatu Ibrahim. Thanks for your most enlightening article. It has certainly uplifted my knowledge which I’d love to share. I’m in need of clarity in all sincerity from my side with no hidden intention on my end that if ever in the event of a talaaq been decided (a very last resort as hoping in sha Allah all will work out as we try to resolve our issues), I merely want to know what all my wife can claim from me as many a times, she threatens to take me to court to claim compensation for emotional & health decline saying it’s intentional abuse. We trying various ways at random to resolve our issues but am concerned what happens if we were to go separate ways.. I’m willing to help her the best I can which i will honour in the event. We are not married in community of property & she does not share my surname. I am Sunni. I want to know where do I stand & how far can she claim as such threats can cripple me. Can she claim from my personal investment? Please advise me

    Reply
    • unfortunately it is very difficult to advise on this – you should go to a solicitor/lawyer from your local area who will know the laws of your country and community best.

      Reply
  • Salaam alaikum,
    Thank you for the helpful article. Can you comment on whether the husband or wife have to disclose to the other spouse if they are supporting their own parents? Is it fard? My spouse views that if the money is coming from their paycheck, they don’t have to discuss it.

    Reply
    • There is no legal obligation – but in the interest of transparency its probably good.

      I disclose to my wife what I send to my parents. I also send some money to her parents too.

      Reply
  • I have a question.
    I got married two years back it was a love cum arranged marriage. But my family side’s financial situation was not well that time so they did not paid any amount to my in law. And they did not gave me furniture or jewellry. And because of that i did not took anything from my in laws too. But since than my husband used to taunt me about my family for not giving anything in marriage and also he blamed me for his financial crises. For example if hes not getting good deals in business he blamed me for being unlucky for him.
    Third he fullfill all his family needs and wants ( sister’s wedding / sisters delivery / father and mother health issues) but whenever i ask him.something for myself or for my kids he simply refused it and says i dont have enough amount.
    And last i found his relationships with other womans too. Caught him alot of times.
    I am willing to go for a khula option. But before that i wanna know is it okay to get out ways apart?
    I have two daughters too.
    Jazakallah.

    Reply
    • I think best if you check in with a marriage counsellor or local scholar.

      My view is that if you husband is not meeting his financial needs and cheating on you, you are very much in your rights to explore a khula option.

      Reply
  • Assalamualikum Brother,
    I have been married for the past 2 years alhamdullilah. My husband lives in Pakistan as he is from there and has completed his Bachelors degree here in the U.K. however is completing his Masters Degree and working full time. On the other hand I’m in my 2nd year at University and I am working part time. Now the issue is I have at least 2 years to call my husband here in the U.K. or either if I decide to go live in Pakistan and work at British high commission. As I work part time my salary as it is in pounds intends to be greater than my husbands salary. Also there has been times when he has needed money and I have given it to him instead of him relying on his friends on very few occasions. Also as there is the corona virus going on he therefore needs to be at home with his family and he isn’t getting paid from his workplace or his parents are not giving him any money whilst on the other hand I am getting paid for staying at home from my workplace. I want to help him and I wanted to ask if I’m willingly giving money to my husband is it wrong? Also whenever I plan on visiting my husband my parents start arguing with me they say I shouldn’t waste my money that I earn on going and visiting him when’s it’s my earnings as i would need to pay for my ticket and when I’m in Pakistan with him he pays the rent and for our food. Do u think my parents are doing right by not letting me see my husband especially now I want to go in this crisis?

    Will be waiting for your reply…
    Thank you so much

    Reply
    • Salaam

      From what you’ve said, I think your actions are reasonable. As long as you’re happy that your husband isn’t being foolhardy with his money and genuinely needs it- your approach sounds sensible. He is your spouse after all – its okay to look out for him.

      Reply
  • Hello,

    I am a non-Muslim and hope my question does not offend.
    I would like to know, is a wife obligated (by law, customs or otherwise) to give money to her husband and/or share their finances?

    During these tough times, I am doing a lot of research for personal curiosity’s sake. Thank you very much for your article! It was very informative.

    Reply
    • No she is not – but it is nice if she does if she can – especially if the husband is poor.

      Reply
  • Hi, got some questions related to finances in Islam.
    Apart that I will be paying everything in our marriage, from housing, food & clothing etc… for her, am I also obligated to pay a monthly allowance?
    Also my wife owns 2 houses which still have mortgage on it which I’m happy to pay for her (she is not currently working), but I’m obligated to do so? And do I have the right when she sell those houses on the part I have paid for her?

    Thank you in advance!

    Reply
    • Good questions.

      You are not obligated to pay a monthly allowance as long as you meet the basics – but it is better to.

      You are not obligated to pay for your wife’s mortgages. However if you do, you should clarify with her whether you are gifting this to her or entering into a partnership with her (so you take a % of the houses).

      Reply
    • I have a question.. Been married for 20 years.. First 10 years of marriage were really good Alhumdulillah.. I was earning good and she was starting her business which i support intially for 500000 rupees then she started to grow really well. She said i spend and she saves.. So we agreed. Then things started going bad for me from financial aspect as i started my own work because by then my wife was already earning 5 times more than i did. She did give me almost the same about i gave her but at the same time my business did go as well i hoped for and I struggled.. In the day i doing a consultancy project to support my business and in the night i running my call center.. So i could not pay for my school fees or give money to her. Even though i have my own house with electricity water all covered.. But my wife started arguing and arguing over my future abd bad decisons and really it has been a mentall struggle.. Ever since i closed my business and started working for small firm which did pay enough to cover my kids fees all the time. I wife since she earns 10 to 15 lacs a month she covers up 60 %of kids needs etc.. My question is that i am really working hard every day but wife now hates me and says that i live on her expenses so in this kind of situation what to do.. I also have bad debt which i try to clear every month.. I need to do if man trying and his financial health has gone bad and he cant fulfill thoes responsibilities properly even though he tries then what is wife supoose to do.. To curse him and tell him he is useless and a looser.. By the way she does not even share herself and sleeps separately because she says since i am not fullfilling her right so i cant have her. I dont know what to do.. Just going through bad patch for many years.. Everyone talks about woman right but here i am financially struggling with wife in full control and always taunting for my low income status..

      Reply
  • Only A Teacher
    May 3, 2020 12:05 am

    I am a male school teacher aged 30. I have joined my school only recently and it is a job meant only for bachelors. If I want to get married, I need to earn double the amount that I am earning right now. Husband or the man has some additional responsibilities as well. Like, responsibilities towards own parents and parents of the spouse. If I consider these two parents and some would be kids, I will have to earn 4 times of what I am earning right now. I am not talking only with regards to social expectations rather based on social responsibility. I read few Hadeeth and ayahs that encourage marriage even if you are in fear of poverty. But Allah has also blessed me with good conscience. The way I see it, marriage will make me ultra poor. Am I being reasonable here?

    Reply
    • Ibrahim Khan
      May 4, 2020 11:16 am

      There is no issue with coming to any sort of arrangement with your wife where she also contributes – if you do it before you get married to her. I sympathise with your situation – just be up-front with your potential spouse so she also knows what will be required of her.

      Reply
  • Hi,

    Great article! Myself and my hubby got into a bit of argument regarding this. He earns the same as me, we earn enough to live a good lifestyle (Alhamdullilah) However, he stated that we should go halves? on everything? I had suggested a monthly allowance to prevent feelings of resentment to which he refused. Basically, I just don’t feel provided for? Feel like more of a partner, than a wife. Is this fair? We live with his mum, so he doesn’t pay rent or contribute towards bills. Just a random shop here and there. I can’t help but feel guilty too – as I feel like i’m freeloading off of them.

    Reply
    • Ibrahim Khan
      May 4, 2020 11:13 am

      Talk it through – but the above article are really a summary of our thoughts. Ultimately you both need to be comfortable with how you’re living together. Your husband should be nudged though into understanding his Islamic role.

      Reply
  • Thank you for the article. I am married for 13 years and have worked for 8 of these.
    When we first married I was working and as I had sufficient savings I happily agreed to co tribute to assets within our home. The home itself was a gift to me from my father. I also willingly and happily co tributes to additional assets that we jointly own. I have generally always supported my husband when his family has required financial assistance.
    I am currently successful in my job and my husband has grown to be very successful
    I his career. He earns far more than i do.
    Since starting a family 6 years ago I have wanted to reduce work hours and take some time off to bring up my daughter. My husband was not happy and so I co tried working shortly after paid maternity leave. I am currently pregnant and have been ill through this pregnancy. Whilst my husband has never made me pay 50% of our bills, this has always been an area of contention and if I don’t contribute sufficiently to joint savings this is what I keep hearing. I have reluctantly agreed to pay 50%. I am disheartened as I was hoping to reduce my work hours to take care of my health and our child. I fee this will impact my marriage going forward. However, my husband does not believe he holds a financial responsibility lift towards me as I am earning. I have never had an issue with paying my own expenses. Not sure what to do and just wondering if I reluctantly agree out of coercion and to keep the peace is it considered okay for the husband to accept

    Reply
  • Salaams my husband is the only one working, we have a joint account, my husband has told me I can use what I need, After all these years of not working I still don’t feel Comfortable using his money, should I feel like this? Also he is giving the charity, how can I give charity if I have none of my own money?

    Reply
  • Hi
    If I support my parents who are in need of financial help. Should I do this with my husband’s permission? As I earn my own money ? My husband came to know that I sent money and he thinks I should have told him and not hide .(but I didn’t want to disclose my family situation to him)what should I do ?as he looks upset that I didn’t ask or tell him before doing so. Thanks In advance

    Reply
  • i got engaged around 8 months ago ( kateb ktab) which basically means he is my husband. and he is poor at this time struggling and especially due to the corona virus . i want to help him out with money but i am afraid he will get used to the idea and rely on menow and later on in the future . also we live in different countries . please advice

    Reply
    • Mohsin Patel
      May 22, 2020 1:18 am

      There’s nothing wrong with helping him out but you should have a full and frank chat beforehand so as to not let this become a habit if you are fearful of that becoming the case. You can also find ways to get money to him without giving it directly – e.g. send it via a family member of his.

      Reply
  • Marriedtoamiser
    May 20, 2020 12:34 am

    I am married to a well to do man who was previously divorced.I come from a middle class family with a decent lifestyle.He never even spent on a Walimah for me. My husband earns an abundant amount of money but is so stingy that I am having to compromise and lower my standards. He allocates a mediocre sum of money (4/125) to my bank account so that I can spend on the household expenses and he refuses to spend an extra penny out of his pocket. He has employed me as an employee of his organisation to provide this allowance so as not to get taxed- In the meantime , I am getting taxed for it as I run my own business. When my son was born , he didnot spend a penny on buying things for him. A few days after giving birth, I had to go to the grocery store to stock up for the whole family. This carried on for months.He neglected all his reponsibilities under the pretence that he had to spend time with his ailing father. It is truly asphyxiating being married to a miser especially when one is used to a generous and happy lifestyle. Marrying this man is a bitter regret. It is primordial that women clarify their roles with potential husbands and have some clear marital regulations stipulated in the Nikkah contract.It is also essential that our Imams address those issues in Kutbahs as a lot of sisters are encountering the same treatment at the hands of their husbands.

    Reply
  • just someone
    May 20, 2020 11:07 pm

    Hi, I pay about 85% of our family costs and my husband pays 15% because he wants to use the rest of his money to help his brothers move overseas and to build a new family home abroad although in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with their current home. Is this right in islam?

    Reply
    • Mohsin Patel
      May 22, 2020 1:14 am

      His primary obligation is to you and your family though he may still have parental obligations depending on the situation. Probably worth a delicate chat.

      Reply
  • Hi,

    This was a great, clear article. I need some advice to a situation I am in currently. I want to get married to a man but I fear that he will not be able to fulfill his Islamic financial obligation. He makes half the annual salary that I make and would not be able to provide me with basic needs such as housing, clothing, etc. We will need to go half if we agree to get married. He has indicated that if he gets a higher paying salary, he will pay for these things in future inshallah. I am just worried that I will have to pick up the financial responsibility later down the road if we get married. He does not get financial help from family and he continues to independently pay his own bills/student loans. It is making me question whether the marriage with this man is a good idea.

    Reply
  • Salam alikm
    My husband have good house in my country he is not working but his family give him money as they are join family in money and hose. I’m living in the Uk with my family and my husband don’t send me money if he send he will make me sad fight with me and I have one baby he didn’t send me money for my Eid dress He saying your living with your family they should give you money. Alhamdulillah my family they buy everything for my baby and me but husband don’t Do that for me this make so sad It’s been 3 year our marriage he didn’t ask me if want something or is will send money to buy for your self things I always tell him to send me money when he send he fight with me 😔

    Reply
    • My husband is good man but He don’t respect me and I was 4 weeks pregnant my husband slap me on my face on Eid day he slap me because don’t talk to your family and go do work I Also I was sad that I saw my grandma in Skype I miss her I cry and he came slap me on my face this the 3rd time it hearts me so badly. 😭💔 every time I remember this 3 time slap my hearts break so badly 😭 I’m love him this my weakness and forgive him

      Reply
  • My husband is good man but He don’t respect me and I was 4 weeks pregnant my husband slap me on my face on Eid day he slap me because don’t talk to your family and go do work I Also I was sad that I saw my grandma in Skype I miss her I cry and he came slap me on my face this the 3rd time it hearts me so badly. 😭💔 every time I remember this 3 time slap my hearts break so badly 😭 I’m love him this my weakness and forgive him

    Reply
  • Who is responsible for the financial responsibility of the child when the parents are divorced?

    Reply
  • Hi, my husband and I split everything financially 50:50 other than one aspect which is our car which he pays for. He does earn more than me by about 5k. His mother who is divorced from his father but a second wife to another man (who does not financially support her) is reckless with her money, and uses a lot for haram things like lip fillers for example. I don’t say anything but my husband has spare money which was there to save for our home but she needed a large some of money as she lost all of her savings somehow and needed a deposit for a home. She has now been furloghed and my husband has said that she won’t pay that money back now. I am in two minds, I understand that it is his mum and he will not be happy if I suggest that eventually she should pay us back, but I work hard and am financially responsible which has allowed for him to be able to support his mother even though she is not financially responsible. Do you have any suggestions?

    Reply
  • Hello,
    My husband is few you gets younger than I and we have 2 kids together. We both work, but he barely helps me with providing for our kids with food and clothes. And for the house I always have to spend money on appliances, food, and household items and cleaning supplies. I have provide for my parents who live with us and for our children. He mostly spends on himself with clothing, food, his alcohol and his items for his own wellbeing. When he goes to the store he doesn’t ask me if we need anything that I have to ask him if he can get items and he doesn’t seem to be happy to do so and seems annoyed by it. We’ve been married for 8 years and it’s just been like this I thought maybe cause we married young he wasn’t sure about responsibility but it’s still continuing and I’m very unhappy about it. He spends money on himself and saves the rest and when I ask him for money or to buy something we need he says he doesn’t have money but then he goes and buys expensive electronics or clothes/shoes.

    Reply

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