Personal Finance

Finance and Love: What Islam says about finances in a marriage

 

Islam is a communal religion and aims to create communities that look out for each other. The key building block to creating that outcome is the family, and one of the most important lubricating factors that creates and grows a happy, prosperous family is money and finances.

We regularly see questions such as “how much money should I give my wife?”, “should my wife have a monthly allowance”, “should I be spending money on my wife?” (this one is easy – yes!) or people complaining of financial problems in marriage more generally. Given the focus of these questions, in this article we focus in on the husband-wife relationship.

First I will outline what the financial responsibilities are between husband and wife and then get into the modern practicalities e.g. Should I have a shared bank account? Who pays for the wife’s commuting costs to her job? What standard of living do my children/wife deserve? Who pays for childcare when the wife goes to work?

Husband’s financial responsibilities

The sharia and Islamic scholars are clear that the man has the major (almost exclusive) financial responsibility for his nuclear family. The Prophet said:

“Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them.” [Muslim/Bukhari]

He has the responsibility to meet

  • his children’s needs – even where he gets divorced and the wife takes the children;
  • his wife’s needs (including lodging, clothing, food, cosmetics, health etc); and
  • where his parents get old, his parent’s needs.

Notice I said “needs” not “wants”. That’s an important consideration. The Qur’an says:

“But the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis” [al-Baqarah 2:233]

But the Qur’an also says:

“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him” [al-Talaaq 65:7]

So “reasonableness” is the name of the game here when working out if something is a “need” or a “want”. If the husband is rich and/or is marrying someone from an affluent background, he is naturally going to have to spend some money on  the better stuff – the organic local ketchup rather than the Tesco-branded ketchup, for example! But if he runs into financial hardship, then Tesco-branded ketchup will have to do and the wife has to live with it.

The underlying contract laid bare is this: the husband has contracted with his wife (by giving her the dowry) for sexual exclusivity to him. The nikah is very much a contract in Islam and one can add lots of further conditions therein (e.g. husband will pay for education, wife will be allowed to work, the husband is only allowed to marry one wife, the wife has the right to divorce if xyz happens etc). But that is just the form of this deep and loving relationship and I would not advise getting very “legal” about the nikah contract. Quite aside from it making it very difficult for you to get married (imagine turning up with lawyers to meet your future spouse’s parents), it is also not really in the spirit of the religion. For that we look to the Qur’an when it says:

“Men are responsible for women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

What this verse is saying (among other things) is that men must look after/protect their wives  physically (particularly relevant for more dangerous parts of the world) and financially and are responsible for them. The wife has committed herself to the husband and entrusted herself to him – so that’s the least she deserves.

In fact this is a pretty big deal. So important in fact that the Prophet emphasized the point in his farewell sermon when he said:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Indeed you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can pull them up on that but not harshly. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

Wife’s financial responsibilities

Well technically the wife has no financial responsibilities to the husband, her children, or maintaining the household. Yes, that’s right – nothing. Not even if she is rich or is working. If the husband is a humble shopkeeper while the wife is a doctor, the husband still has the technical responsibility to support the household on his own.

But the reality is, a successful marriage is not one seen through the prism of contracts and legal rights. In fact, in my experience, spouses who do do that, don’t last together for long. In reality the practice (as opposed to theory) of marriage is this:

“They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them” (Quran 2:187)

That means you each look out for each other, cover up each others’ flaws, and fill in the gaps left by the other.

So it is from the perfection of a wife that she chips in where it feels appropriate, but it is from the perfection of the husband that he doesn’t make her feel like she has to.

The Prophet’s advice to a companion was:

‘Aa’ishah said: “Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your children.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714)

So even when a husband is being a bit difficult, the Prophet advised the wife to be reasonable and to keep “sufficiency” in mind.

Practical points

Its all well and good outlining the responsibility of the husband and the wife but in our 21st century world family patterns have evolved. So here are a few common points of contention/query.

Should I have a shared bank account?

There is no “Islamic” answer to this. It is really upon your convenience. If the wife is a stay-at-home wife, then I would suggest that a shared bank account (into which you pay your salary) would practically make the most sense as that is the common pot from which you will both spend.

Where you both work, then its up to you. With my wife I have both a joint account and separate accounts. She also has a spouse credit card linked to my account. The net effect is, her salary/savings stay in her account and she can spend from that as she pleases, and where she makes any household purchases/food etc. she will pay for it using the credit card (i.e. I will pay for it).

Who pays for the wife’s commuting costs to her job?

This is an interesting question to which there is a rather academic answer and a more practical answer.

The academic answer is that as this is part of the wife’s business (i.e. a pursuit through which she gets remunerated) she should pay for it.

However the practical answer is, given you’ll be paying for the petrol or commute costs for everything else, it probably makes sense not to draw that distinction in such a linear way and the husband should just pay for it – unless the wife is happy to pay.

What standard of living do my children/wife deserve?

Your wife and children deserve a reasonable standard of living, given your financial position. The wife in particular deserves a standard of living at least equal to that which she was used to prior to marriage (unless the husband has flagged to the wife before marriage that times could get hard!).

I recommend a fixed monthly transfer to one’s wife (“pocket money” if you want to call it that) as that enables her to have some freedom in being able to spend without having to always ask the husband. This is particularly the case where you have separate bank accounts.

Who pays for childcare when the wife goes to work?

Again, an interesting question. There are two ways this analysis can run. Either we construe this cost as  cost associated with the wife working, or we construe this as part of the husband’s general responsibility to maintain his children. Arguments for the former are that were the wife not to work she would look after the child (and as the hadith on shepherds suggests above, looking after children is primarily the responsibility of the wife). Arguments for the latter are, that the nikah contract is in relation to sexual exclusivity – not childcare. The shepherd hadith specifies guarding the husband’s property and children – and so long as that is achieved the wife has fulfilled her bare responsibility. The wife has not contracted to be the child-minder of the husband’s child.

Again, the pragmatic practicalities of life are slightly removed from the technicalities. In my case I pay for my son’s childcare but my wife gets a voucher from her work and contributes that.

How much do I own of joint investments?

From a purely technical perspective it makes sense for the ownership to link with the amount you contribute financially to that particular investment or property.

But from a fairness perspective, if you are a wife who doesn’t earn and yet you are managing the household and looking after the kids, it makes sense that a reasonable proportion of the investments and property would be yours. This is also helpful from an inheritance perspective later on as it makes it easier to stay in the property after your husband passes.

And of course the mahr of the wife is entirely hers to do with as she wills.

Really importantly though – you should clarify all this before either of you passes away – as when there are things left up in the air, you end up with disputes over inheritance. Practically the best way to clarify all this is going through the process of writing a will. That way you get legal advice on your situation as well. We provide a cost-efficient and tax-structured Islamic wills service for UK residents here. It’s all online and takes 20 minutes.

You can check out a bunch of sharia-compliant investment options that we have vetted from across the globe here.

Conclusion

The husband has the financial responsibility for his family in Islam, however a wife, especially one that works, should contribute to the expenses as much as she thinks is appropriate (though she mustn’t feel like she should from her husband’s side). This is particularly so where the husband is relatively less affluent. Speaking personally, during the earlier part of my career my wife has loaned me money at times where otherwise it would been impossible to make ends meet. That’s how marriages work in reality. Bit of give and take, and lots of muddling along!

If you want an expert Islamic finance mufti to give you their personalised fatwa on your situation, please ask on our Fatwa Forum here.

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  • We are all familiar with the Islamic framework you have outlined – “The sharia and Islamic scholars are clear that the man has the major (almost exclusive) financial responsibility for his nuclear family.” It is an excellent example of how the patriarchal culture of the prophet’s era has intruded into religious thought, where it does not belong. Of course, western culture was patriarchal too until recently, and Islam did improve the situation of women relative to what it had been.
    Several points come to mind.
    1. When we talk about gender differences, we are treading on dangerous ground. Even if there are such differences statistically across men versus women, it is a mistake to impute such differences to any individual as those scholars have done. I have met women who are excellent and knowledgeable financial advisors, and many men do fritter their money away. While I am a CFA and familiar with ETFs, the capital asset pricing model, efficient frontiers, value at risk, and portfolio management software, I think my wife is better organized at household finances than I am. Personal differences are far more important.
    2. With the transient nature of employment today, the situation of a house-husband and a working wife is not that uncommon. It may suit the couple’s situation very well, and religious preconceptions should not stigmatize it.
    3. The nature of work has obviously changed. A man’s physical strength and stamina were positive attributes at the time of the prophet, and coloured views on gender. In the modern workplace, however, the attributes of communication and human relations are arguably more important in many jobs. Women are said to have the advantage with respect to these attributes – but as said earlier I do not like to generalize about gender differences. There are some men who are still excellent communicators and managers!
    4. I like the way your discussion ends by advocating flexibility – “That’s how marriages work in reality. Bit of give and take, and lots of muddling along!”

    Reply
    • 1 – I agree we need to be careful. There are exceptions in each group. What I think Islam is great at, is giving a general framework that works for most people, but also leaving enough flexibility for the outliers.
      2/3 – take your point on the evolving landscape of jobs. I’ll have a further think on this.
      4 – thanks!

      Reply
    • Please can you give one advice about maintaining wife children+husband mother and father. My husband is financially not stable. He wouldn’t care for his child and wife rather he would give all his money to his parents leaving us without nothing. He and his parents expect me to work as well so I can give them money. What is the Islamic law about this. He wouldn’t buy food for kids or me but he would give money to his family. He always wants me to work for his children and for him. He would put his family first but not out children. What should I do? I’m so fed up.

      Reply
      • Please my I have married my wife two kids now I have lost job and wife peresnts want to take away from but we love each other

        Reply
  • It missed the point somewhat to treat finances in a relationship at such a basic level. Money is a means to an end, and as a community Muslims have lost sight of that. Moreover the purpose of a family as an institution is in stark contrast to the kind of mindset a woman has when she condemns her children to others care, particularly when those others are not trustworthy in their moral compass and lack Islamic values. It is jarring to see our children being put through this whilst we worry about who pays for it!

    Reply
    • salaam Moemen – so your key concern here is that women must look after the children themselves? Would be great to hear what other aspects of the relationship (within the IFG remit of course) you’d like us to explore and we would be happy to.

      Reply
  • Asalam Alaikom,
    A really brilliant article and one that I have been searching for a long time. Please can I ask what your thoughts are on the purchase of e.g. house, care, land etc? So say the couple decide to purchase a house via a sharia compliant plan and the wife uses her own money to help with the deposit, how should this be done if her contribution is significantly higher than the husbands (e.g. 70% of deposit)? Should this be reflected in how much of the house she owns? Also, who is responsible for the monthly payments?
    jazakallahkhairan

    Reply
    • Good question – we’re going through this right now funnily enough.

      The way we’ll probably do it is I’ll pay the bulk (70/80% of deposit) but give my wife a 50% stake in the property (or hold it as joint-tenants).

      Having said that, there is nothing wrong with keeping it very clean and saying:

      You pay 70% of the deposit, you pay 70% of the ongoing payments – you own 70% of the house.

      Or if x pays 70% of the deposit, but then only contributes 50% of the ongoing mortgage payment, you can tot up the eventual total each person will have paid and split the house accordingly.

      Basically, it is the husband’s responsibility to provide for a house and so him owning outright is fine. But in the interest of giving the wife extra security in case he dies, and in the interest of letting the wife invest her savings into property, a joint-ownership arrangement can work.

      Reply
      • My wife’s share was around 60 percent, so as you just mentioned, to give her sense of security, I have made her soul owner of the house, but in this case what complications could arise later on? I was warned by relatives and friends not to name her completely house but to please Allah I comply her concern of security that she wanted.

        Reply
        • You should retain legal ownership of the 40%. This is importnat when it comes to inheritance but also in case you get divorced.

          Reply
      • Seems so one sided. For a man marriage seems like a burden and enslavement. Life can be difficult just trying to cope with your own finances but having to pay another’s while they keep theirs untouched. With ever growing materialism amongst Muslims from iPhone to big house, fancy car, holidays and top it of Mahar now has become “money in the bank” with ridiculous demands and to top it off women want to be independent, not have to put plate of food on the table when you return from work. How’s a man meant to survive the constant demands and when you don’t deliver you are ridiculed. No wonder suicide amongst men increasing. I for one will get a prenup to protect my wealth that I worked hard for.

        Reply
  • i need some advice. my husband wants to take loan to finance his sisters wedding. thatll take us 4-6 years to pay back. we have been married for nearly 3 years and in the past i have helped him pay off his huge loans 2 times. few times my brother and dad helped us but now im sick and tired of always covering up for his financial responsibilities. i feel like giving money to his family for their needs is one thing but basically financing for a lot of shi*tty desi customs is just nonsense. im really mad and hurt and contemplating separation. he says its his responsibility to fulfill his duty towards his parents and sister. any advice

    Reply
    • Hmmm – it sounds like a tricky situation tiredmuslimwife – my sympathies.

      1. This is not your responsibility. Weddings should be paid for by the groom or, if it has to be someone from the girl’s side, then the father.
      2. Paying extravagant amounts for weddings that are going to result in crippling debt is just silly. The Prophet’s weddings are our example – and they were very simple.
      3. Without having any sense of your wider relationship, I would of course say that separation is not something you should easily turn to unless you have exhausted all other options of reconciliation. In this case it might be helpful for you to ask your husband to talk to an Islamic scholar you both respect and get his advice on the matter.

      Hope that helps iA. If it is at all helpful, drop me an email ([email protected]) and I am happy to talk to your husband if needed.

      Reply
      • Salam alaikum. My wife says from time to time ..” i have a right on your money ” and means that i should give her a ” salary . What is the islamic answer i should give her . Considering i pay for every thing and all what we need use or wish . Her daughter is 15 and i choose only from the very best when it comes to privat school or laptop or traveling to turkey or omra or any thing else .i pay but. I refuse to pay a salary , or worst pocket money …( my wife is not a child ) she get a credit card as eell linked on my account .. the point seems to be she want me to give her money for herself wich is not acceptable as ” my “money is not mine but those of several people .. wife ,wifes’daugther , people i have to support in form of sadaka .to say is also we are living far higher than the average in indonesia or turkey even in europe . We fly all 3 several times to holiday as well i support her parents( to be clear with more as 3 salary of local high school teacher /year ) if her family beed money we borrow some and give ss well some . But i refuse to pay a salary .when a man pay a woman this is not good at all .

        Reply
  • Hello can I have some advise please, signing a Nikah contact does it give a man or woman financial gain to assets if the marriage doesn’t work out.?

    Reply
    • Depends on the wording of the nikah contract. Typically the Mahr is the woman’s to keep unless she foregoes it.

      Reply
  • Salam alaykom..
    I have a question if a husband leave hes wife because of she alcan work and help with the economic part because she is sick, what does Islam say about that?

    Reply
  • You wrote about the modern world and in that context, what is a husbands duty towards his sick wife?
    For example when she was healthy she worked but has be unable to work for 3 years but is now made to feel she should work.

    I’m not saying my husband is cruel, just there are moments where he forgets I’m ill and makes me feel bad for not working. He believes a husband and wife should go halves in everything believe it or not with whatever little money I get I still try to go halves but there are times he is harsh and makes comments about how a wife should help her husband financially.

    Jzk

    Reply
    • Appreciate your situation. You should not have to work to support your household against your wishes. But you should be sensitive to the situation too if your husband is poor etc.

      Reply
  • Asalamu Alaikum,
    My husband and I both are students 26 yrs old, i come from a lower middle class family and he comes from an upper class family. I have recently quit my job to focus solely on my studies/other ventures as i was finding it difficult to do both. My husband lives/studies in another country (long distance relationship, meet up every 4 mnths) and his mother pays for all his expenses (he has lots of family money, he has told me multiple times ). In this case, now that I do not have a job and my parents are sick and do not earn, is it an obligation on my husbands part to provide me with allowance/pocket money/take care of my basic expenses? I feel bad asking for money from him (self respect etc as he doesnt work and i often feel like its unfair and uncessary for his mother to pay for my expenses) but i do struggle financially often. Especially when I leave for weeks at a time (take time off work not get paid or lose my job) to go stay with him where he studies inorder to take care of him (he struggles being alone, has severe anxiety), cook for him and take care of his house. I go on my mother in laws insistence and my husband calls me when he needs me (they mostly pay for my tickets, but some trips i have to pay).

    Furthermore, his studies will take up another 3 4 years. I would like to grow my family, does he still have to pay for expenses if we have a child or am i obligated to work in that case to provide for our child?

    JazakAllah

    Reply
    • hmm.

      Your husband is technically obliged to meet your needs (not your parents). You are right to feel a bit hesitant to ask him as he is a student. If the understanding is that you were foregoing your right that he maintain you initially while he is studying – then you shouldn’t ask. But if there was no discussion about this – then he is obliged to pay for you – but you should be sensitive and reasonable about it given he is studying and his parents would otherwise be paying. But you can ask for that support if you need it.

      Reply
  • I have been married for twenty years and have worked all of these years. My husband worked for the first few years then got laid off several times and then eventually retired. He has invested his money in stocks and lost all of it. Then he invested all of his retirement funds and lost that too. Then he took out credit card loans and also lost that money. Then he took money from our savings account which he also lost. Recently he has again taken out all of of our savings and invested again without asking or telling me. I find out afterwards. When I asked him to put the money back he said that this is his business and that he has learned from his past mistakes and this is a great investment …..etc etc. this is the same story that I have been hearing for twenty years … and I am really fed up with it now.
    My husband is very caring and a great father but this aspect of him is really killing the relationship.
    Please advise

    Reply
    • You should take steps to put your savings (especially personal savings) into accounts which he doesn’t have access to. Doesn’t sound like a responsible guy from your description.

      Reply
      • She described him as caring & a great father, you can advice her without saying he isn’t responsible.

        Reply
  • As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatu Ibrahim. Thanks for your most enlightening article. It has certainly uplifted my knowledge which I’d love to share. I’m in need of clarity in all sincerity from my side with no hidden intention on my end that if ever in the event of a talaaq been decided (a very last resort as hoping in sha Allah all will work out as we try to resolve our issues), I merely want to know what all my wife can claim from me as many a times, she threatens to take me to court to claim compensation for emotional & health decline saying it’s intentional abuse. We trying various ways at random to resolve our issues but am concerned what happens if we were to go separate ways.. I’m willing to help her the best I can which i will honour in the event. We are not married in community of property & she does not share my surname. I am Sunni. I want to know where do I stand & how far can she claim as such threats can cripple me. Can she claim from my personal investment? Please advise me

    Reply
    • unfortunately it is very difficult to advise on this – you should go to a solicitor/lawyer from your local area who will know the laws of your country and community best.

      Reply
    • Lord Masuka the great spell caster brought my husband back to me after a hectic separation, whatsapp him for any help +1(234)-307-0752

      Reply
  • Salaam alaikum,
    Thank you for the helpful article. Can you comment on whether the husband or wife have to disclose to the other spouse if they are supporting their own parents? Is it fard? My spouse views that if the money is coming from their paycheck, they don’t have to discuss it.

    Reply
    • There is no legal obligation – but in the interest of transparency its probably good.

      I disclose to my wife what I send to my parents. I also send some money to her parents too.

      Reply
  • I have a question.
    I got married two years back it was a love cum arranged marriage. But my family side’s financial situation was not well that time so they did not paid any amount to my in law. And they did not gave me furniture or jewellry. And because of that i did not took anything from my in laws too. But since than my husband used to taunt me about my family for not giving anything in marriage and also he blamed me for his financial crises. For example if hes not getting good deals in business he blamed me for being unlucky for him.
    Third he fullfill all his family needs and wants ( sister’s wedding / sisters delivery / father and mother health issues) but whenever i ask him.something for myself or for my kids he simply refused it and says i dont have enough amount.
    And last i found his relationships with other womans too. Caught him alot of times.
    I am willing to go for a khula option. But before that i wanna know is it okay to get out ways apart?
    I have two daughters too.
    Jazakallah.

    Reply
    • I think best if you check in with a marriage counsellor or local scholar.

      My view is that if you husband is not meeting his financial needs and cheating on you, you are very much in your rights to explore a khula option.

      Reply
  • Assalamualikum Brother,
    I have been married for the past 2 years alhamdullilah. My husband lives in Pakistan as he is from there and has completed his Bachelors degree here in the U.K. however is completing his Masters Degree and working full time. On the other hand I’m in my 2nd year at University and I am working part time. Now the issue is I have at least 2 years to call my husband here in the U.K. or either if I decide to go live in Pakistan and work at British high commission. As I work part time my salary as it is in pounds intends to be greater than my husbands salary. Also there has been times when he has needed money and I have given it to him instead of him relying on his friends on very few occasions. Also as there is the corona virus going on he therefore needs to be at home with his family and he isn’t getting paid from his workplace or his parents are not giving him any money whilst on the other hand I am getting paid for staying at home from my workplace. I want to help him and I wanted to ask if I’m willingly giving money to my husband is it wrong? Also whenever I plan on visiting my husband my parents start arguing with me they say I shouldn’t waste my money that I earn on going and visiting him when’s it’s my earnings as i would need to pay for my ticket and when I’m in Pakistan with him he pays the rent and for our food. Do u think my parents are doing right by not letting me see my husband especially now I want to go in this crisis?

    Will be waiting for your reply…
    Thank you so much

    Reply
    • Salaam

      From what you’ve said, I think your actions are reasonable. As long as you’re happy that your husband isn’t being foolhardy with his money and genuinely needs it- your approach sounds sensible. He is your spouse after all – its okay to look out for him.

      Reply
    • Hi Mr. Khan,

      My husband and I have been Legally married for 2 months. We don’t live together because we were waiting on our wedding to move in which was suppose to be August (not sure when now because of COVID-19) . So currently we are long distance. We haven’t been islamically married because the mosques were closed. We did consummate our marriage. My biggest concern and issue is that during the time I have been living away he 1. Hasn’t ever asked me if I need anything .. even if I don’t .. it would be nice for him to treat me as a carin husband
      2. He hasn’t provided me a dowry yet
      3. When I bring up finances and if I can have access to a bank account, he refused and instead doesn’t want to do that until I move in etc –
      4. He has explicitly said he wants me to contribute if I am working and have a joint bank account
      5. He constantly brings up How I never tried to offer to pay off his debt with the credit card even though in the past when he needed his ex gave him money.

      I am deeply upset bc prior to getting married I was very clear how I feel about men and women’s Responsibilities in a marriage.. I told him clearly how I felt about men’s financial responsibility especially since we are Muslim. I feel he was agreeable to it and never rode any objections before.. it was only recently I am finding this out..

      I tried talking to him multiple times about it but he gets upset and makes me look like a gold digger … even though I am not . I just believe which is supported in Islam that the man should not rely financially for women to help .. and that it’s men’s responsibility..

      I feel used, sad depressed and that I wasn’t given the whole picture before marriage … he prays 5 times per day and acts religious but yet thinks like this ???

      He also has enough money .. although not a lot to provide for our needs and I have not asked him for anything as I already have a car and come from a good family!

      Please help!! I want to save this marriage and if I am wron in my thinking I will change it, but I need your advice to know what to do and how to handle this ..,

      Thank you so much for reading and sendin my love and duas for any insight and help you can provide 🙂

      Reply
  • Hello,

    I am a non-Muslim and hope my question does not offend.
    I would like to know, is a wife obligated (by law, customs or otherwise) to give money to her husband and/or share their finances?

    During these tough times, I am doing a lot of research for personal curiosity’s sake. Thank you very much for your article! It was very informative.

    Reply
    • No she is not – but it is nice if she does if she can – especially if the husband is poor.

      Reply
      • Follow on question – Now where does the Husband find Security ? Say he has no one to fall back on and has spend most of his money on family.
        Wife is being technical and due to self respect – he feels let down – So much for garments for each other here.
        Love the comments of Bob – I think western societies with high cost of living and low saving rate and difficult market – the Husband is exposing himself and wife acting as back up to family may cause a burden of obligation to him. Guy is self made and provided well so far.

        Reply
  • Hi, got some questions related to finances in Islam.
    Apart that I will be paying everything in our marriage, from housing, food & clothing etc… for her, am I also obligated to pay a monthly allowance?
    Also my wife owns 2 houses which still have mortgage on it which I’m happy to pay for her (she is not currently working), but I’m obligated to do so? And do I have the right when she sell those houses on the part I have paid for her?

    Thank you in advance!

    Reply
    • Good questions.

      You are not obligated to pay a monthly allowance as long as you meet the basics – but it is better to.

      You are not obligated to pay for your wife’s mortgages. However if you do, you should clarify with her whether you are gifting this to her or entering into a partnership with her (so you take a % of the houses).

      Reply
    • I have a question.. Been married for 20 years.. First 10 years of marriage were really good Alhumdulillah.. I was earning good and she was starting her business which i support intially for 500000 rupees then she started to grow really well. She said i spend and she saves.. So we agreed. Then things started going bad for me from financial aspect as i started my own work because by then my wife was already earning 5 times more than i did. She did give me almost the same about i gave her but at the same time my business did go as well i hoped for and I struggled.. In the day i doing a consultancy project to support my business and in the night i running my call center.. So i could not pay for my school fees or give money to her. Even though i have my own house with electricity water all covered.. But my wife started arguing and arguing over my future abd bad decisons and really it has been a mentall struggle.. Ever since i closed my business and started working for small firm which did pay enough to cover my kids fees all the time. I wife since she earns 10 to 15 lacs a month she covers up 60 %of kids needs etc.. My question is that i am really working hard every day but wife now hates me and says that i live on her expenses so in this kind of situation what to do.. I also have bad debt which i try to clear every month.. I need to do if man trying and his financial health has gone bad and he cant fulfill thoes responsibilities properly even though he tries then what is wife supoose to do.. To curse him and tell him he is useless and a looser.. By the way she does not even share herself and sleeps separately because she says since i am not fullfilling her right so i cant have her. I dont know what to do.. Just going through bad patch for many years.. Everyone talks about woman right but here i am financially struggling with wife in full control and always taunting for my low income status..

      Reply
  • Slm brother ,
    I’ve been married for over two years and my husband and I are currently struggling financially.
    He unfortunately has a criminal record and owes debts to the bank , I married him at a time when he was just layed off from work. Since then we’ve moved together to my parents house and he works as an assistant to my dad but still cannot pay for my basic needs. We have tried to rent on our own but we couldn’t make ends meet as he earns very little by my dad. I earn more than him but not a substantial amount and most of our expenses are covered by me , he says that we work together to pay everything even though I now am paying off a house for his parents that my dad has purchased since they lost their home to unforeseen circumstances. We are now expecting our first child and I am full of anxiety as he does not want to start a separate savings for our baby nor does he talk about any financial goals or planning. He made me get a credit card which I pay off and refuses me to finish the payments. I wish he had a bit of ambition in any sense then i would know that I could see some improvement but he put off studies even though we can afford to pay if off slowly, if there is a new business venture it’s usually oh I dont have the finances so I’m going to stay poor even though I know and have offered to save some money to start his new business.
    The worst thing is my sister in law is currently supporting my husband’s brother in a worse way where he doesn’t work at all also due to his criminal record and she finances the house and the kids completely, I’m scared this will happen to me .

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated

    Reply
  • Salam o la com i got married in islam with my husband since 2017 and i lend him money now we going through a bad time he wants his paperwork back and he been nasty to me .I have told the imam i want hula .my husband wants his papers back but i told him i cannot accommodate his request until i get back at least most of the money is owes me which is over 5,000 pounds which i lend him to help him in difficult times on good faith and all i request as i need my money back.I want a peaceful end to this but he been nasty

    Reply
  • wifeofastingyman
    April 29, 2020 10:48 pm

    Thank you for sharing this brother. May Allah bless you.

    I have a stingy husband. He has never given me an allowance, he only gives me money for upkeep that is barely enough – I always cover the difference with my and he has never asked if it is enough. Alhamdulillah, I have a good job and can afford my bills and buy. We have a 6 month old and my husband expects me to convince before he can give me money to buy things for her just because she would not use them for a long time and I end up using my money to buy items like high chair, walker, etc. He also refused to buy dining furniture because he thinks it is a luxury.

    He claims he does not make a lot, but I know he gives his parents money every month and older siblings money every now and then (as gifts), but never me. He is spending so much money on sadaqah this Ramadan but he will never spend a quarter of the amount on me because he has the mentality that women can never be satisfied so he just does not bother.

    Is it okay to reject the money he gives me for upkeep? I have tried talking to him several times about it but he flips the story saying he doesn’t make much and I am high maintenance. I am really tired of his stinginess especially towards our daughter.

    Reply
  • Only A Teacher
    May 3, 2020 12:05 am

    I am a male school teacher aged 30. I have joined my school only recently and it is a job meant only for bachelors. If I want to get married, I need to earn double the amount that I am earning right now. Husband or the man has some additional responsibilities as well. Like, responsibilities towards own parents and parents of the spouse. If I consider these two parents and some would be kids, I will have to earn 4 times of what I am earning right now. I am not talking only with regards to social expectations rather based on social responsibility. I read few Hadeeth and ayahs that encourage marriage even if you are in fear of poverty. But Allah has also blessed me with good conscience. The way I see it, marriage will make me ultra poor. Am I being reasonable here?

    Reply
    • Ibrahim Khan
      May 4, 2020 11:16 am

      There is no issue with coming to any sort of arrangement with your wife where she also contributes – if you do it before you get married to her. I sympathise with your situation – just be up-front with your potential spouse so she also knows what will be required of her.

      Reply
  • Hi,

    Great article! Myself and my hubby got into a bit of argument regarding this. He earns the same as me, we earn enough to live a good lifestyle (Alhamdullilah) However, he stated that we should go halves? on everything? I had suggested a monthly allowance to prevent feelings of resentment to which he refused. Basically, I just don’t feel provided for? Feel like more of a partner, than a wife. Is this fair? We live with his mum, so he doesn’t pay rent or contribute towards bills. Just a random shop here and there. I can’t help but feel guilty too – as I feel like i’m freeloading off of them.

    Reply
    • Ibrahim Khan
      May 4, 2020 11:13 am

      Talk it through – but the above article are really a summary of our thoughts. Ultimately you both need to be comfortable with how you’re living together. Your husband should be nudged though into understanding his Islamic role.

      Reply
  • Assalam brother,I have a question.. my husband earns a little lesser than I do but enough to provide the family. I live with my in laws ,but we live in a different floor from my parents in law and a younger brother in law.. we use only one kitchen and they usually prepare food because am busy with work..my husband runs their house completely rent food etc but expects me to pay rent for the house we live in, I don’t like it because he is ready to spend on any additional requests they have but can’t even afford to provide a roof for me.. I get really upset not because I don’t have money but because I feel a loving husband should happily spend on his wife. When I ask him to spend he taunts me back saying it’s his parents that cook for him . I am Not obliged to cook for him but I fulfil all other duties of a wife. How do u think I should handle this situation? I feel like ending the relationship than to be with a selfish guy.. note he spends on my food and never asked for any dowry

    Reply
  • Thank you for the article. I am married for 13 years and have worked for 8 of these.
    When we first married I was working and as I had sufficient savings I happily agreed to co tribute to assets within our home. The home itself was a gift to me from my father. I also willingly and happily co tributes to additional assets that we jointly own. I have generally always supported my husband when his family has required financial assistance.
    I am currently successful in my job and my husband has grown to be very successful
    I his career. He earns far more than i do.
    Since starting a family 6 years ago I have wanted to reduce work hours and take some time off to bring up my daughter. My husband was not happy and so I co tried working shortly after paid maternity leave. I am currently pregnant and have been ill through this pregnancy. Whilst my husband has never made me pay 50% of our bills, this has always been an area of contention and if I don’t contribute sufficiently to joint savings this is what I keep hearing. I have reluctantly agreed to pay 50%. I am disheartened as I was hoping to reduce my work hours to take care of my health and our child. I fee this will impact my marriage going forward. However, my husband does not believe he holds a financial responsibility lift towards me as I am earning. I have never had an issue with paying my own expenses. Not sure what to do and just wondering if I reluctantly agree out of coercion and to keep the peace is it considered okay for the husband to accept

    Reply
  • Salaams my husband is the only one working, we have a joint account, my husband has told me I can use what I need, After all these years of not working I still don’t feel Comfortable using his money, should I feel like this? Also he is giving the charity, how can I give charity if I have none of my own money?

    Reply
  • Hi
    If I support my parents who are in need of financial help. Should I do this with my husband’s permission? As I earn my own money ? My husband came to know that I sent money and he thinks I should have told him and not hide .(but I didn’t want to disclose my family situation to him)what should I do ?as he looks upset that I didn’t ask or tell him before doing so. Thanks In advance

    Reply
  • i got engaged around 8 months ago ( kateb ktab) which basically means he is my husband. and he is poor at this time struggling and especially due to the corona virus . i want to help him out with money but i am afraid he will get used to the idea and rely on menow and later on in the future . also we live in different countries . please advice

    Reply
    • Mohsin Patel
      May 22, 2020 1:18 am

      There’s nothing wrong with helping him out but you should have a full and frank chat beforehand so as to not let this become a habit if you are fearful of that becoming the case. You can also find ways to get money to him without giving it directly – e.g. send it via a family member of his.

      Reply
  • Marriedtoamiser
    May 20, 2020 12:34 am

    I am married to a well to do man who was previously divorced.I come from a middle class family with a decent lifestyle.He never even spent on a Walimah for me. My husband earns an abundant amount of money but is so stingy that I am having to compromise and lower my standards. He allocates a mediocre sum of money (4/125) to my bank account so that I can spend on the household expenses and he refuses to spend an extra penny out of his pocket. He has employed me as an employee of his organisation to provide this allowance so as not to get taxed- In the meantime , I am getting taxed for it as I run my own business. When my son was born , he didnot spend a penny on buying things for him. A few days after giving birth, I had to go to the grocery store to stock up for the whole family. This carried on for months.He neglected all his reponsibilities under the pretence that he had to spend time with his ailing father. It is truly asphyxiating being married to a miser especially when one is used to a generous and happy lifestyle. Marrying this man is a bitter regret. It is primordial that women clarify their roles with potential husbands and have some clear marital regulations stipulated in the Nikkah contract.It is also essential that our Imams address those issues in Kutbahs as a lot of sisters are encountering the same treatment at the hands of their husbands.

    Reply
  • just someone
    May 20, 2020 11:07 pm

    Hi, I pay about 85% of our family costs and my husband pays 15% because he wants to use the rest of his money to help his brothers move overseas and to build a new family home abroad although in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with their current home. Is this right in islam?

    Reply
    • Mohsin Patel
      May 22, 2020 1:14 am

      His primary obligation is to you and your family though he may still have parental obligations depending on the situation. Probably worth a delicate chat.

      Reply
  • Hi,

    This was a great, clear article. I need some advice to a situation I am in currently. I want to get married to a man but I fear that he will not be able to fulfill his Islamic financial obligation. He makes half the annual salary that I make and would not be able to provide me with basic needs such as housing, clothing, etc. We will need to go half if we agree to get married. He has indicated that if he gets a higher paying salary, he will pay for these things in future inshallah. I am just worried that I will have to pick up the financial responsibility later down the road if we get married. He does not get financial help from family and he continues to independently pay his own bills/student loans. It is making me question whether the marriage with this man is a good idea.

    Reply
    • If you want to marry him then why does his fanancial obligations become a barrier? Marriage is about building a relationship which works for both, money should not define thr relationship.

      Reply
  • Salam alikm
    My husband have good house in my country he is not working but his family give him money as they are join family in money and hose. I’m living in the Uk with my family and my husband don’t send me money if he send he will make me sad fight with me and I have one baby he didn’t send me money for my Eid dress He saying your living with your family they should give you money. Alhamdulillah my family they buy everything for my baby and me but husband don’t Do that for me this make so sad It’s been 3 year our marriage he didn’t ask me if want something or is will send money to buy for your self things I always tell him to send me money when he send he fight with me 😔

    Reply
    • My husband is good man but He don’t respect me and I was 4 weeks pregnant my husband slap me on my face on Eid day he slap me because don’t talk to your family and go do work I Also I was sad that I saw my grandma in Skype I miss her I cry and he came slap me on my face this the 3rd time it hearts me so badly. 😭💔 every time I remember this 3 time slap my hearts break so badly 😭 I’m love him this my weakness and forgive him

      Reply
  • My husband is good man but He don’t respect me and I was 4 weeks pregnant my husband slap me on my face on Eid day he slap me because don’t talk to your family and go do work I Also I was sad that I saw my grandma in Skype I miss her I cry and he came slap me on my face this the 3rd time it hearts me so badly. 😭💔 every time I remember this 3 time slap my hearts break so badly 😭 I’m love him this my weakness and forgive him

    Reply
  • Who is responsible for the financial responsibility of the child when the parents are divorced?

    Reply
  • Hi, my husband and I split everything financially 50:50 other than one aspect which is our car which he pays for. He does earn more than me by about 5k. His mother who is divorced from his father but a second wife to another man (who does not financially support her) is reckless with her money, and uses a lot for haram things like lip fillers for example. I don’t say anything but my husband has spare money which was there to save for our home but she needed a large some of money as she lost all of her savings somehow and needed a deposit for a home. She has now been furloghed and my husband has said that she won’t pay that money back now. I am in two minds, I understand that it is his mum and he will not be happy if I suggest that eventually she should pay us back, but I work hard and am financially responsible which has allowed for him to be able to support his mother even though she is not financially responsible. Do you have any suggestions?

    Reply
  • Hello,
    My husband is few you gets younger than I and we have 2 kids together. We both work, but he barely helps me with providing for our kids with food and clothes. And for the house I always have to spend money on appliances, food, and household items and cleaning supplies. I have provide for my parents who live with us and for our children. He mostly spends on himself with clothing, food, his alcohol and his items for his own wellbeing. When he goes to the store he doesn’t ask me if we need anything that I have to ask him if he can get items and he doesn’t seem to be happy to do so and seems annoyed by it. We’ve been married for 8 years and it’s just been like this I thought maybe cause we married young he wasn’t sure about responsibility but it’s still continuing and I’m very unhappy about it. He spends money on himself and saves the rest and when I ask him for money or to buy something we need he says he doesn’t have money but then he goes and buys expensive electronics or clothes/shoes.

    Reply
  • Hi Mr. Khan,

    My husband and I have been Legally married for 2 months. We don’t live together because we were waiting on our wedding to move in which was suppose to be August (not sure when now because of COVID-19) . So currently we are long distance. We haven’t been islamically married because the mosques were closed. We did consummate our marriage however.
    My biggest concern and issue is that during the time I have been living away he

    1. Hasn’t ever asked me if I need anything .. even if I don’t .. it would be nice for him to treat me as a caring husband

    2. He hasn’t provided me a dowry yet!

    3. When I bring up finances and if I can have access to a bank account, he refused and instead doesn’t want to do that until I move in etc

    4. He has explicitly said he wants me to contribute if I am working and have a joint bank account

    5. He constantly brings up How I never tried to offer to pay off his debt with his credit cards even though in the past when he needed his ex readily gave him money.

    I am deeply upset bc prior to getting married I was very clear how I feel about men and women’s Responsibilities in a marriage.. I told him clearly how I felt about men’s financial responsibility especially since we are Muslim. I feel he was agreeable to it and never brought up any objections before.. it was only recently I am finding this out..

    I tried talking to him multiple times about it but he gets upset and makes me look bad and stares he bought me a ring for proposal, and helping paying for the wedding (which he hasn’t done yet) and then mentions his sister and mom giving money to their husbands and working ( his mom and sister dad and brother in law don’t make very little money in Egypt)

    I just believe which is supported in Islam that the man should not rely financially for women to help .. and that it’s men’s responsibility!!

    I feel used, sad depressed and that I wasn’t given the whole picture before marriage … he prays 5 times per day and acts religious but yet thinks like this ???

    He also has enough money to provide for our needs…and I have not asked him for anything as I already have my car paid for and come from a good family!

    Please help!! I want to save this marriage and if I am wrong in my thinking I will change it, but I need your advice to know what to do and how to handle this ..

    Thank you so much for reading and sendin my love and duas for any insight and help you can provide 🙂

    Reply
  • Financial advice (husband)

    Reply
  • I am engaged, it was from my choice and my parents agreed to it. The guy comes from a lower middle class family and we are financially better than them.
    I am certainly okay with the gap, but he suddenly chose to help his family financially in every way. I will be happy with him doing it for the nuclear family – His parents and sisters.

    He plans on using all his income and savings on his uncles and their children.

    I am not comfortable with it as I will have to settle for things I am not okay with. Is it right if I stop him from spending on them?

    Or Am I going wrong here?

    I just do not want a life of struggle for myself and our future generation. Is it selfish ? Is this a reason enough to call of the marriage.

    Reply
  • I believe these are great guidelines to follow. On the other hand, if a marriage is going down to the details and dividing responsibilities without regard to circumstances, it could ruin the relationship. From personal experience I practiced this idea, but when I got hit hard financially it wasnt possible obviously. Also, if you live in a western country or a country that doesnt follow close to islamic guidelines it becomes a disadvantage for the father, who shelters and pays for everything then split half in a divorce. Another note regarding custody. Even if the wife takes the child the father is still responsible to make legal decisions of where his son lives, goes to school, who takes care of him, etc. I dont believe a man is a Free bank account after divorce. we must stress that if a woman contributes to her family it is an act of kindness and good deeds and charity. That will build the bonds of love and respect. Remember they are our teachers, healthcare professionals and more.

    Reply
  • Assalamu alaikhum. My question is men has the responsibility to provide obligatory expenses to wife. And I hope they shouldn’t question about it until wife spend it in halal way. But men don’t have responsibility over wife’s parents or in-laws. Is it permitted to wife using husbands money on her parents and in-laws?

    Reply
  • If you want to marry him then why does his fanancial obligations become a barrier? Marriage is about building a relationship which works for both, money should not define thr relationship.

    Reply
  • Aslm I am a working wife my husband however told me he wont work and ask me why must he work we have no children I want to know is this permissible in Islam that a wife must provide for her husband

    Reply
  • Nice site and nice topic masallah. I was searching for financial privacy between husband and wife. Do husband need to show all of his expenses and income to his wife? Same for the wife, does she need to do the same? What Islam says about it?

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  • Assalamu Alaikum. I am married for more than 2 years now and im on long distance relationship with my husband. We only spend 9 days together since we got married. He don’t give me monthly allowance. I ask about it before but he refuse because he have a lot of bills to pay and saving for paying the visa so i can move to him. But my father said he should have atleast have a monthly allowance for me to cater my needs and its a responsibility of the husband. Though he sometimes send some money when i go see a doctor. But now, not anymore. Mostly its my parents who pay for all of my needs (food, shilter, medicines) I can’t even afford to buy my new clothes. I dont have a job but im helping my parents selling stuff. We are poor and my father have to support me when he shouldn’t and we are 10 in the family that had to be feed. So in time i have my visa and able to get a job i like to help my family sending money in a reasonable amount but husband said why i have to? He said it be our money and we have joint account when that happens. But i like to have my own account too so I don’t have to ask him money and making him mad everytime i ask. What should the right thing to do?

    Reply
  • I think it’s great you have shed light on this topic as many people shy away from discussing financial responsibilities as if it’s shameful to talk about.
    What I found disappointing was that when you made the point where a Husband is solely responsible for his wife financially even if the wife is wealthy – there is a huge “But” followed with the wife “should” out of her kindness help him out if required.
    You don’t solidify the Islamic ruling in its own right.
    I’m afraid you’ve actually undermined the ruling by saying she “should” and you’ve potentially created a get out of jail free card for the Husband.
    On the other hand , when you discuss the Wife’s responsibilities regarding caring for the home you failed to highlight that
    1. She has the right to her own home and so there shouldn’t be other people to rely on her apart from her children and husband – she has no household responsibilities towards for example the husband’s brothers/sisters or parents or other family members.
    And more importantly 2. There was no big “But” from you to say that the Husband “should” be helpful in the matters of the home too if he sees his wife is struggling.
    You simply stated that a Wife “should” be focused on her duties and there was no mention of how her Husband “should” out of his kindness help her in this matter if required.
    Why is that?
    I feel that there’s always an expectation for a Woman to be lenient towards a man when it comes to his responsibilities which in turn in reality makes it all the more easier for Men to cop out of their responsibility all together.

    I agree for a marriage to work there has to be give and take but a Woman shouldn’t be guilt -tripped into giving nor should she feel ashamed to ask for her rights or expecting “kindness” at the very least.

    Reply
  • I think it’s great you have shed light on this topic as many people shy away from discussing financial responsibilities as if it’s shameful to talk about.
    What I found disappointing was that when you made the point where a Husband is solely responsible for his Wife financially even if the wife is wealthy – there is a Strong “but” followed with the wife “should” out of her kindness help him out if required.
    You don’t solidify the Islamic rule in its own right.
    I’m afraid by saying “should” you’ve undermined the rule all together and so indirectly hinting that really she does have some kind of financial responsibility.
    This is why people will remain confused.

    On the other hand , when you discuss the Wife’s responsibilities regarding caring for the home you failed to highlight that

    1. She has the right to her own home and so there shouldn’t be other people such as husbands brothers/sisters etc to rely on her apart from her children and husband

    and 2. There was no big “But” to say that husband “should” be helpful in the matters of the home too if he sees his wife is struggling.
    You simply stated that a Wife should be focused on her duties and there was no mention of how her Husband “should” out of his kindness help her in this regard.
    Why is that?

    I feel like there’s always an expectation for a Woman to be lenient towards a man when it comes to his responsibilities which in turn in reality makes it easier for Men to cop out of their responsibility all together.

    I do believe there should be give and take in a marriage but I don’t think a Woman should be guilt-tripped into giving nor should she feel Indirectly ashamed to ask for her rights or expect “kindness” from her husband at the very least.

    Reply
    • Well said, I couldn’t agree more. So basically women are expected to raise kids, look after the house, cook and clean and be expected to be in employment in order to help out the husband. If not employment then they may feel obligated go share any savings which they accumulated pre marriage. Another thing which I would like some clarification on is that if the wife passes away, how is her will executed according to Shria? There’s a lot on here in regards to the husband’s estate but I would like to know how inheritence is dealt with when the wife passes away and the husband is alive

      Reply
      • Assalam Aleikum, I am a highly qualified professional and a wife. I have been very generous with all my income and I pay half the bills. My work entails handling trust funds which unfortunately my husband used to treat that as though its my fund and through pressure he used to take for his personal investment. I sought for advise and I was told I had no excuse so I opted to have complete separate finances that resulted in split of assets and since he is a professional he allocated himself more of the asset starting he earned more and I conceded. However the split in finances resulting in difficulties in our marriage resulting in my husband persistently abandoning the bedroom when I dont share his views on matters as he invests all his monies and only pays our child’s half share and his full share of the financial burden since I work I have to pay all my bills as well as my sons half share of the bills. I coordinate all our child’s upbring and teach my son Islamic education personally and there is a house helper to manage cooking and I cook based on my ability but not always though I do most of the foodprep in advance. Currently my husband has abandoned the bedroom and from an aspect of my generosity to help him with all my funds he has more investment income while I struggle with all my share of the bills with only half share of the house which we leave in and my personal car and one farm property which I acquired as settlement for loaned monies to him which doesn’t make peofit. I do not find any benefit in the marriage and feel my rights as a wife are violated and I cannot demand for any as I am accused as a working woman I dont fulfil my obligation as a wife and hence now am being threatened with my husband opting for a second wife who will be a full time homemaker. My question is how to draw the line from being a charitable wife and being exploited and blackmailed. Does Islam advocate for wife’s who work to be penalised for being working women i dont think so please give me an example from the seerah of what I should do not to be exploited as I feel in the name of Islam am being taken advantage of as from and before the onset of our marriage I have always been a working woman

        Reply
      • also like i said housework and childcare mustnt only be the womans job its discriminating to say men being providers also means performing house tasks like the prophet did as a dad n husband theyre all living under the same roof were all humans hence all have basic responsibilities whether domestically or financially (only difference is women give birth to and breastfeed babies) (replying to both faz n laila

        Reply
  • As-salamu alaykum. What does the Quran or Hadith’s say about the following situation. As a wife I work full time because my husband says he can’t afford to pay all the financial bills. He tells me that I have to pay half the living expenses because I’m working full time. Then I find out he does have the financial means to take care of the living expenses but he is spending a very large portion of his money on buying investment properties for himself. If a wife financially supports her husband, shouldn’t he help with half of the household chores. In addition, can a husband say he is not financially responsible for his son when the son is of the age to work but he is studying at Uni and can’t secure a full time job at the moment. Can he say that it is the wife’s responsibility to be financially responsible for the son.

    Reply
  • Asalam alykum
    I am a revert muslim and married in a muslim family with 3 kids. Me and my husband both are working individuals. My company provided me with house rent allowance, children education 100% and airticket to the family to travel back home but the basic salary was minimum and all the benefits were taxable. We constantly have fights due to financial issues and now due to this we both are fedup and my husband wants to divorce me. I would like to know if I am wrong in the following scenario.

    1. Soon after I got job, my brother in law shifted to our house and he was also working. I was paying the house rent and was left with minimum after the tax deductions as I had to take care of my own expenses (petrol, toll, food, cloths etc). I told my husband why don’t your brother contribute towards rent maybe 25% so that I have some money left for my own expenses. My brother in law complained this to his parents and my inlaws were unhappy and said I am bad and only behind money. Moreover we had no privacy and I was not comfortable with his brother. Sometimes my husband was out for conferences and just staying with brother in law in the same house was very awkward. Also none of my husbands siblings respected me. If i tell them to keep things in place they rudely respond to me that its my brothers house and i have no right to say anything to them.
    2. After my brother in law got married and in his marriage also my father in law borrowed money from me to buy gold set for their daughter in law. Which they never returned. After marriage my brother in law separated, my sister in law came to us for higher studies and she got admission in my university. I had told my husband that I cannot take care of her commute as I have to follow my own schedule and come back home to cook and take care of my own children. But he convinced me with sweet words. After she arrived I got to know that apart from her stay, we have to take care of her tuition fees. Both the brothers (husband and brother in law) said they have not enough money and i had to pay 50% of her fees which was not my responsibility. She was also very disrespectful towards me because I was revert muslim and told me many times I am not part of their family.
    Finally she found a boy and they got married. We were asked to bring gold set for my sister in law which I paid.
    Whenever we used to travel India or inlaws visited us, my mother in law gave a list of things to bring. She would tell me that you are working so we ask you. Actually inlaws have no right on my money (correct me if I am wrong). As I was financially contributing to my husband to run the family. I loaned lot of money to my husband (almost every month). He spends his salary on car 2 instalments, grocery and other bills. I advised him not to buy so expensive cars and save that money for children higher education. But he never listens to me. Always online shopping and buying unnecessary things. Buying kids all sorts of games. I don’t know how to make him understand.
    Recently I lost my job and my new company don’t give any benefits. So we had to change schools as per our financial situation. I msg my father in law to return my money that I spent on buying gold and paying tuition fees so he got furious and started scolding me. He told me to settle and ask money from my husband. Also he told me they have no relationship with me as we married without their consent. Now they are forcing my husband to divorce me. What should I do.

    Reply
  • Asalamalaykum. Such an insightful write-up, may Allah bless you.

    The question I have is, does a husband have the right to stop the wife from working? Emphasis on on right

    Reply
  • Is there a prenup in Islmaic low that protects women’s wealth? Say for example a woman has two children from her first marriage also has a house and now she wants to do nikah with a muslim man. How can she make sure that after her death her house will be passed to her children rather than to her (to be) husband?

    Reply
  • Salaam,
    I am newly married and entered a marriage with a divorcee who has a daughter from previous marriage. I have always been independent and working even to now at the age of 34. I am struggling at the moment, as we are currently living at his brothers house and in the process of getting of our own.
    He has stated he wanted the house on my name and that I would be paying partly towards the deposit and also I would be covering the mortgage from my account which I felt was wrong and did dispute this with him. However I am struggling to reason with him, he does pay for the food. currently no rent or mortgage to pay. But he has showed his controlling side and this was not made apparent before marriage. I am restricted and if I visit family he will also get into a mood so I only visit my parental home once a week. whereby he picks and I get a lift home as I have no vehicle of my own.
    He wanted me to pick and collect his daughter during my lunch break, which I agreed to. However he stated he would cover my insurance on his other car but on the day he took my bank card and paid. I did cancel the policy as I feel this is unfair.
    what do you advise?
    I am unable to tell family as I am just in second month of my marriage and don’t want to upset them.
    How do I reason with him? any ideas please advise.
    salaam

    Reply
  • I want my husband to tell me what is his income but he persist on not wanting to share that information with me. In islam should a husband disclose to his wife his income? My husband pays for all expenses even though I have an income. whenever I’m willing to get for instance groceries or anything I buy, I do it willingly he never ask me to pay for anything. I still want to know his income but sadly he doesn’t want to tell me. when I ask he tells me it doesn’t concerns me. Any advice?

    Reply
  • Allahismystregnth
    November 25, 2020 2:38 am

    I wanted to ask you a question in regards to joint family. I have been married for 8 years and share a home with my inlaws. My husband ,his dad and his brother invested in a house even before we got married. It was a big house and I was okay living with his brother and his wife in the beginning. It helped my husband save and expand in several businesses. Now that the family is growing and also his brothers family is growing. The basement that I live in ,is getting too small for us. Its a one bedroom and I have two kids who are old enough to be in thier own rooms now. My husband spends really well on us and I have my own car how ever o am uncomfortable in this living situation now.I advised my husband that we are in a good financial state now and he should consider a seperate home for me and kids as we have a growing family and I need security. He says he cannot afford it while keeping this house since he has money invested in it and neither can he sell this house because his brother and dad are not ready to sell yet. He is not happy in moving out as he feels it will double his expenditures and has offered me a rental which he can barely afford by managing the current house as well. He feels as an older son he has to be around his parents. If we move out I know he will be upset with me for forcing him to seperate us but It has become a need for me and I think rather than investing money in more business he should focus on giving his wife and kids a comfortable and respectful place to live. I hope I am not being an unreasonable woman.

    Reply
  • While my husband was studying in University, we struggled and he informed me of this and said once he gets a job ,everything should be fine.. he graduated and got a great job Alhamdulillah ,he is only paying rent and bills and does not contribute to any food or other expenses of mine .. when I ask him he argues and walks off .. I feel like I am stuck in a rut as life is soo hard, I’m providing the food and clothing for me and 3 kids and he is walking around in his expensive clothes and gloating . He is also eating the food I buy and make ,he doesn’t spend a penny .

    Reply
  • BrokeWifePrisonerLife
    January 23, 2021 3:52 pm

    Asalamalaikum wrtb i have researched alot and cant seem to find the answer to my question. I was hoping someone could help please. If the wife bought a house as an investment (buy to let); but the husband refused to buy another house for the family to live in, and forced the wife to let them use her hkuse as a marital home; In divorce , what are the rights (if any)of the husband on the house please? The husband has his own house in pakistan.

    Reply
  • can i have ur contact detais mr. ibrahim khan thank you

    Reply
  • I have some questions:

    My wife recently made a niyaaz without informing me and now she wants me to pay for it. She is not earning but has some savings. Is this right that she made a niyaaz and is saying that i should pay for it and is taking it as a loan from me ?

    When a wife is not earning, is it a compulsion for the husband to take the wife for haj? If she has some savings or gold, should she not first think of liquefying that to be used?

    Similarly, the Gold that is gifted to her by my parents and her parents, she would be supposed to pay zakkat on that. However, if she does not have enough money , what is the way out? I personally dont want to pay for it? Is that okay?

    Reply
  • Kailay and Faz, I couldn’t agree more. I have read through the article and almost all the comments. I have the same question that in the “spirit” of law (that pretty much does not have a basis in nass/Quran+Hadith is mostly constructed by jurists) a woman is expected to be more lenient and more understanding to keep the home together. She is required to do with the lowered living standards or “chip in” wherever the husband is lacking. The husband could be lacking due to several reasons and it is very critical to look at the reasons before adding in the spirit of law:

    1. Husband is cheating or is in a mental fantasy, and he doesn’t want to live with his family anymore. How to show it: Pull the finances.
    2. Husband is struggling with mental health that’s unknown to him or anyone else. How to show it: Pull the finances.
    3. Husband hates wife’s family. How to show it: Pull the finances.
    4. Husband doesn’t like the way wife is upbringing the children, think: religious psychotics. How to punish everyone: Pull the finances.
    5. Husband is quick on temper and can’t have an office life and can’t put up with anyone at work. So resigns from the job and tells the wife to move to a village in the outskirts. How to show it …
    6. Husband is simply selfish. He can’t see his family thrive. How to show it…

    The trigger of when a woman should chip in is a critical analysis of every unique situation. At the end of the day, it comes down to not the spirit but the letter of the law. The letter of the law is more powerful than the spirit of law. The bare bones law can decide where the husband has gone wrong. The spirit won’t fix anything.

    Reply
  • It’s discriminating to say housework and childcare is the woman’s job and our place is at home while men work (especially in certain cultures as well) altho I don’t ever want to get married and have kids hate how scholars and other people including Muslims have been saying that it’s hurtful to be seen and treated like weaker and more vulnerable than men no matter how true it’s really got to stop there are female scholars that say we arent deprived of duties outside of the home. Yes there are househusbands these days and the woman can have a job that earns higher than the man it’s if the man works it’s both their money no matter how much he does earn. Taking care of the husband’s possessions home and children can mean the woman taking care of the household finances and children by working and if she (or he) feels it’s fair to take turns paying for things (and “guard what Allah would command in the husband’s absence is mainly referring to the woman’s ‘aura like you explained as no one is allowed to view but him)!

    Reply
  • Fadhila Lucky
    March 12, 2021 1:47 pm

    plus saying men are the protectors of women is pretty vague

    Reply
  • Fed up Muslim wife
    April 8, 2021 12:26 pm

    I am a working wife who pays for all the monthly household expenses. My husband pays for big expenses, but does not contribute on a regular basis. I have no money left over at the end of the month and if I ask him for anything, he pulls a face, wants to know why I need money and makes me uncomfortable for asking. I feel he does not fulfill his obligations to me or his children. What rights do I have if I seek a divorce? He has savings, I have none. Can I reasonably ask him to leave? When I tell him how I feel he shouts, screams and curses at me, often in front of the children.

    Reply
  • I do not think that the joint account make sens. What if you have multiple wives? A joint account shared with all 4 wives?

    Reply
  • plus i feel the husband/man has the right to remind the wife/woman to prioritise the household and childcare with her earnings even tho as said his earnings are both of theirs and hers are just her own

    Reply
    • plus i feel the husband/man has the right to remind the wife/woman to prioritise the household and childcare with her earnings even tho as said his earnings are both of theirs and hers are just her own and if hb doesnt work then ofc they share their money so he can have some to spend as his responsibility

      Reply
  • My wife and I are joint owners of our home. We both work and contribute towards all our expenses through a joint account but we also have our own accounts. Majority of my pay goes towards expenses and her pay is used as our buffer and to build savings.
    We have been going based on the surviving spouse would inherit everything – we don’t have children.
    However, now thinking about islamic wills trying to structure it in a way to ensure her contributions are in some way returned to her.
    I understand I can have a document that indicates she has a fixed share or owns a percentage of the property. Can the same be done for my assets? The extra money I’ve saved or invested on the side is because she has contributed to running the house. Can I say from my personal accounts she has a 30% or some agreed percentage stake? This would then not be included as part of my estate.

    Reply
  • Dear Mr. Khan,
    I’ve 2 daughters, one is studying in Germany and I’ve to take care of them alone with my own money I’ve earned,their father died.
    Now I married a man from Yemen and maybe they’ve other traditions of Islamic right? We’re in AE, now.
    I gave him a high sum of money to make quick businesses, to share the profit 50/50 for both of us.
    Suddenly he said after 1,5 months, he has to spend the money for my needs, what was impossible. He took also the costs of our Hotel into his imaginary bill.
    That means, I lost my chance of an income.
    Also I put a high sum on his company account, he said, because I’ll get a profit. I trusted him as husband.
    That’s the money, I earned for my kids.
    Now he forced me to work, ’cause he didn’t buy clothes or things I need for household. Actually he rented a little flat for us and gives me money for food, but it’s always very small and I’m shamed, when I’ve to ask him. In front of others, he gives always money, also for a strange woman, who needed money, he gives her a big sum as a gift. It was nice, but what about my needs? I came to AE, only with a baggage.
    Now my family wants that they care of the money by themself, ’cause they are afraid, my father talked to him and he agreed, but than he wants to payoff after ramadan, but there’s no reason to wait.
    He set me always under pressure about money, I’ve to give him something and he said, that’s his right and responsibility as husband to have the control about it.
    I said, that’s not his right and the islamic right says, that I can do with my money what I want, without asking and that it’s wrong to ask and force me in this special kind of my decision. Also, that this is the money of my kids and it’s not right, even for me, to spend the money for him.
    My father said, he has the responsibility for me and to pay for my needs, but in reality, I’m scared, how to survive.
    When we’ve discussions about, he’s leaving me and blackmailed me, to make the divorce. I’ve also never the right to know, where he is and if he’s coming or not.
    I’m his 2nd wife. His first wife lives with his family and 4 kids in a villa. Hecsaid,they knows about me, but I’ve never seen them. No welcome, no presents, no call, like I know that from our people.
    He said, his wife’s finances him, also his mother, but both are not working or from a rich family and he has a company.
    He bought me a pair of shoes and said, that I feel bad, he has to buy a pair for his other wife, also. I answered, that I don’t think so, cause I have nothing but a baggage and she has all. I’ve even no material for kitchen.
    Actually he wanted to borrow money from the kids, but they won’t give it to him and I’m shamed and afraid. My father is old, him and my kids are in sorrow about the situation.My brother started to be aggressive, cause my father had 2 heard attacks and some operations. My husband forced me indirect to act against my family, cause I’m his wife and have to do, what he wants. But I can’t do that and I don’t want. For me it’s not right.
    I would be glad to hear, what the islamic right said about this situation and if it is compatible with the Yemen traditions.
    Thank you.

    Reply
  • Bint e hawwa
    May 17, 2021 12:48 am

    I have a child . My husband gives my pocket money at the start of every month. Without even asking. I always been thankful to him and spend very carefully which he always appreciates. But he teases me by repeating his favors. He goes like “I give you money each and every month you don’t know how money is been earned. You have no worries. And I am worried about our future and job etc” This makes me feel so bad. I am a kind of person who never ask to anyone but Allah (SWT). His words make me sad that I cry in nights What should I do?

    Reply

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