What Islam Says about Finances in a Marriage

Islam is a communal religion and aims to create communities that look out for each other. The key building block to creating that outcome is the family, and one of the most important lubricating factors that creates and grows a happy, prosperous family is money and finances.

We regularly see questions such as “how much money should I give my wife?”, “should my wife have a monthly allowance”, “should I be spending money on my wife?” (this one is easy – yes!) or people complaining of financial problems in marriage more generally. Given the focus of these questions, in this article we focus in on the husband-wife relationship.

First I will outline what the financial responsibilities are between husband and wife and then get into the modern practicalities e.g. Should I have a shared bank account? Who pays for the wife’s commuting costs to her job? What standard of living do my children/wife deserve? Who pays for childcare when the wife goes to work?

This is a very comprehensive article so feel free to use the navigation bar to navigate to the sections you are most interested in or if you would rather watch a video, you can find that just below:

Husband’s financial duties in Islam

The sharia and Islamic scholars are clear that the man has the major (almost exclusive) financial responsibility for his nuclear family. The Prophet said:

“Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them.” [Muslim/Bukhari]

The husband has the responsibility to meet

• his children’s needs – even where he gets divorced and the wife takes the children;
• his wife’s needs (including lodging, clothing, food, cosmetics, health etc); and
• where his parents get old, his parent’s needs.

Notice I said “needs” not “wants”. That’s an important consideration. The Qur’an says:

“But the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis” (al-Baqarah 2:233)

But the Qur’an also says:

“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him” (al-Talaaq 65:7)

So “reasonableness” is the name of the game here when working out if something is a “need” or a “want”. If the husband is rich and/or is marrying someone from an affluent background, he is naturally going to have to spend some money on the better stuff – the organic local ketchup rather than the Tesco-branded ketchup, for example! But if he runs into financial hardship, then Tesco-branded ketchup will have to do and the wife has to live with it.

The underlying contract laid bare is this: the husband has contracted with his wife (by giving her the dowry) for sexual exclusivity to him. The nikah is very much a contract in Islam and one can add lots of further conditions therein (e.g. husband will pay for education, wife will be allowed to work, the husband is only allowed to marry one wife, the wife has the right to divorce if xyz happens etc).

But that is just the form of this deep and loving relationship and I would not advise getting very “legal” about the nikah contract. Quite aside from it making it very difficult for you to get married (imagine turning up with lawyers to meet your future spouse’s parents), it is also not really in the spirit of the religion. For that we look to the Qur’an when it says:

“Men are responsible for women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” (al-Nisaa’ 4:34)

What this verse is saying (among other things) is that men must look after/protect their wives  physically (particularly relevant for more dangerous parts of the world) and financially and are responsible for them. The wife has committed herself to the husband and entrusted herself to him – so that’s the least she deserves.

In fact this is a pretty big deal. So important in fact that the Prophet emphasized the point in his farewell sermon when he said:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Indeed you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can pull them up on that but not harshly. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

Can a husband use his wife’s money in Islam?

In Islam, a husband cannot use his wife’s money without her permission. A wife’s wealth is fully her own — whether she inherited it, earned it, or received it as a gift. She has no financial obligation to spend on her husband, children, or household, even if she is wealthy or working and her husband earns less.

If the husband is a humble shopkeeper while the wife is a doctor, the husband still has the technical responsibility to support the household on his own.

But the reality is, a successful marriage is not one seen through the prism of contracts and legal rights. In fact, in my experience, spouses who do do that, don’t last together for long. In reality the practice (as opposed to theory) of marriage is this:

“They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them” (al-Baqarah 2:187)

That means you each look out for each other, cover up each others’ flaws, and fill in the gaps left by the other.

So it is from the perfection of a wife that she chips in where it feels appropriate, but it is from the perfection of the husband that he doesn’t make her feel like she has to.

The Prophet’s advice to a companion was:

‘Aa’ishah said: “Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your children.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714)

So even when a husband is being a bit difficult, the Prophet advised the wife to be reasonable and to keep “sufficiency” in mind.

Its all well and good outlining the responsibility of the husband and the wife but in our 21^st century world family patterns have evolved. So here are a few common points of contention/query.

Should spouses have a shared bank account?

There is no “Islamic” answer to this as the concept itself of joint bank accounts is relatively new, so we don’t have a truly Islamic answer. The default position in Islam is that if it hasn’t been expressly forbidden, then it is permissible. Permissible does not mean that it’s encouraged or discouraged. It’s basically up to you to decide what you want to do.

The arguments for joint bank accounts

I know a bunch of people with joint bank accounts. It works for them and it’s how they’ve always done it. Here are some of the reasons they cite:

Transparency

There’s a sense of accountability with a joint account that isn’t quite there with your solo account. Just knowing that your partner may query that dubious £175 spend at Selfridges may make you think twice.

That’s actually a good financial habit in my view. If you can’t justify it, then should you be spending it?

Good if one partner is not working

If one of the partners is not working (he/she may be a stay-at-home parent, for example), there is a mental burden with having a stagnant and empty solo bank account.

The act of having to ask the other partner for money can feel a tad strange for some people. Particularly if they’ve spent some time working before.

For example, my wife went from a life of working to being a full-time mother. She hated having to ask me for money.

In order to relieve that, having a joint bank account means that the non-working partner has ready access to money for his/her day-to-day needs.

We’re a couple

Some people feel that part of being a couple is having a joint bank account. It’s just something you do.

From my purely anecdotal experience, I think this is much more common in the older generations than it is in the younger ones.

The arguments against joint bank accounts

I also know a bunch of people who operate completely separate bank accounts as husband and wife and swear by it. Here are some of their reasons:

Privacy

Not in a suspicious way, but it’s nice to be able to spend your money the way you want to spend it. As long as you’re not suffering from some sort of addiction or any other reason which may result in you being financially irresponsible, partners should be able to trust each other with money right?

Clean and simple

When you start mingling money (particularly relevant if both people are earning and/or have various income streams of their own) things can quickly become complicated. You lose track of what you as an individual have been able to save as a proportion of your income, which you may just want to know out of interest.

Solo accounts are much cleaner in that respect. There’s only one source of incomings and outgoings and that’s you!

Tax

If you have to file a self-assessment return every year, then having access to all your bank transactions in an easy way can be very handy. But if your bank statements are mixed in with your partner’s incomings/outgoings, it’s an added complication when you’re trying to get through a tax return at 10pm on 30 January!

Zakat

Even if you don’t have to file a tax return, you do have to do a zakat calculation! Again this is made far more streamlined if you have a separate account.

What we do personally

Ibrahim

My wife and I have separate bank accounts where our salaries come in. This makes sense for us as it gives my wife independence and keeps her salary separate to mine (reminder: the wife’s salary is hers to keep).

We also have a joint account that she uses to pay household/family shopping and expenditure. I regularly top this up with a good amount of money so she never has to ask.

Mohsin

My wife and I each have our individual bank accounts. My reasoning is that we like things clean, simple and traceable. It also means that I can do things like link up my bank account with the budgeting apps I use without having to factor in my wife’s spending.

When it comes to my Islamic obligations of paying for my wife’s lifestyle, I simply set up the direct debits to my bank account. Things like her phone bill and similar.

If she ends up spending on the house from her own money (e.g.on-the-go supermarket shopping), I’ll just transfer it over. She doesn’t ask for it, but she’s well within her rights to do so. Any spending she does in this way is just out of her own volition.

We pay zakat separately. In fact, my wife is the only person I know who pays zakat outside of Ramadan! So having separate bank accounts help us for that. We also both file our own tax returns, so the financial separation is useful.

We do have a joint bank account, but we use it when we have a common saving goal. For instance, when we first got married, we decided that we would save up for Hajj together. I’d transfer some into the joint account monthly, as would she. Alhamdulillah we saved our money and went on Hajj. That’s where I think joint accounts are useful.

Who pays for the wife’s commuting costs to her job?

This is an interesting question to which there is a rather academic answer and a more practical answer.

The academic answer is that as this is part of the wife’s business (i.e. a pursuit through which she gets remunerated) she should pay for it.

However the practical answer is, given you’ll be paying for the petrol or commute costs for everything else, it probably makes sense not to draw that distinction in such a linear way and the husband should just pay for it – unless the wife is happy to pay.

What standard of living do my children/wife deserve?

Your wife and children deserve a reasonable standard of living, given your financial position. The wife in particular deserves a standard of living at least equal to that which she was used to prior to marriage (unless the husband has flagged to the wife before marriage that times could get hard!).

I recommend a fixed monthly transfer to one’s wife (“pocket money” if you want to call it that) as that enables her to have some freedom in being able to spend without having to always ask the husband. This is particularly the case where you have separate bank accounts.

Who pays for childcare when the wife goes to work?

Again, an interesting question. There are two ways this analysis can run. Either we construe this cost as  cost associated with the wife working, or we construe this as part of the husband’s general responsibility to maintain his children. Arguments for the former are that were the wife not to work she would look after the child (and as the hadith on shepherds suggests above, looking after children is primarily the responsibility of the wife).

Arguments for the latter are, that the nikah contract is in relation to sexual exclusivity – not childcare. The shepherd hadith specifies guarding the husband’s property and children – and so long as that is achieved the wife has fulfilled her bare responsibility. The wife has not contracted to be the child-minder of the husband’s child.

Again, the pragmatic practicalities of life are slightly removed from the technicalities. In my case I pay for my son’s childcare but my wife gets a voucher from her work and contributes that.

How much do I own of joint investments?

From a purely technical perspective it makes sense for the ownership to link with the amount you contribute financially to that particular investment or property.

But from a fairness perspective, if you are a wife who doesn’t earn and yet you are managing the household and looking after the kids, it makes sense that a reasonable proportion of the investments and property would be yours. This is also helpful from an inheritance perspective later on as it makes it easier to stay in the property after your husband passes.

And of course the mahr of the wife is entirely hers to do with as she wills.

Really importantly though – you should clarify all this before either of you passes away – as when there are things left up in the air, you end up with disputes over inheritance. Practically the best way to clarify all this is going through the process of writing a will. That way you get legal advice on your situation as well. We provide a cost-efficient and tax-structured Islamic wills service for UK residents. It’s all online and takes just 20 minutes.

You can check out a bunch of sharia-compliant investment options that we have vetted from across the globe on our halal investments comparison page.

3 Real Financial Issues Muslim Couples Deal With

We recently had a personal finance/relationship query from a reader and we thought it might be helpful (with the questioner’s permission) to share our responses more publicly. We have broken the query into three sections to bring out the different themes. As we’re not relationship counsellors we focus our response primarily on the personal finance aspects.

1. Husband Balancing Between Parents and Wife

Question: “My husband is working and financially supporting his mother. I am working too and I financially contribute towards half of our households expenses. He contributes towards the other half of our household expenses. He would not be able to contribute more or support me in any way financially due to the commitments he made to his mother before we got married. His contributions extend to wants and not just needs and in my view are unfair. He refuses to make any changes, even though his responsibilities have now changed since he now has a family of his own.”

Wife’s obligations to the family

It is not technically the wife’s responsibility to earn money for the family, but to the extent that she does, she will gain reward for what she does as this is going above and beyond. As the hadith puts it:

“Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them.” [Muslim/Bukhari]

Having said that, if the wife is working and has chosen to have a career, we would generally recommend that it would make sense to handle at least some of the household costs as a gesture of goodwill. We wouldn’t typically expect this to be a 50-50 split, though it really does just depend on the individual circumstances. Many couples will have a 50/50 approach, particularly if the wife is earning similar or better money than the husband which is an entirely common scenario. The bottom line is that it’s not the wife’s responsibility per se, but there is also a layer of common sense that needs to come into play.

Son’s financial obligations to parents

If the husband is the only son of his mother and the father is no longer with them, then it is the son’s responsibility to look after his mother. But otherwise, it is either the responsibility of the father or, in his absence, the joint responsibility of the siblings (the sons in particular).

Scholars often quote the following verse as informing the thinking here:

“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour.” [Qur’an 17:23]

Needs vs. Wants

The husband’s contributions should prioritise meeting his mother’s and the wife’s needs first and foremost. But if he can meet both parties’ needs and then there is some spare, then he can meet wants as well for either party in a fair manner. What he shouldn’t do is favour one of the parties over the other.

Ibn Qudaamah writes in Al-Mughni,

“the scholars unanimously agreed that the children are obliged to provide for their poor parents who have no source of income or wealth.” 

He also underlined,

“The child who is obliged to provide for his poor parents is the one who has surplus income or wealth in excess of his essential needs; otherwise, he is not obliged to support them financially.”

2. Some Practical Solutions

Question: “He supports his mother with an allowance, while she also receives state funds. The state funds are themselves enough for her needs. He pays for medical requirements additionally and luxuries separately as well.”

Fairness

The husband must be careful to be fair between his equal obligations to look after his parent(s) and his wife and children. In this particular case it appears the husband is likely meeting the needs of both but is not necessarily spending additional money on the wife and children and is instead opting to spend on the mother. The Qur’an has some useful guidance on this:

“And [they are] those who, when they spend, do so no excessively or sparingly but are ever, between that, [justly] moderate” [26:67]

Dialogue

So what to do? Ordinarily, a sensible chat with the husband makes sense.

Alternatively, if the wife has a good relationship with the mother-in-law – it might be an idea to have a chat and see if clear communication between them might resolve matters.

Positive joint narrative

A possible way to get the husband (or wife) to take stock of the situation is to help them to understand your vision of the future. Perhaps the spouses can jointly take our Halal Investing Course or use our free Investment Checklist and come up with joint plans. The positive process of doing that might be a good way to bring about change.

The bond of a mother and son is a particularly unique one, so whilst all the Islamic obligations mentioned above do apply, some leeway is beneficial. In all likelihood, as the question of children, savings, etc come up in the son’s own marriage, he will understand the need to reduce his financial commitments to his mother.

3. Money Conversations before Marriage

Question: “My husband only told me about the basic allowance to his mother and nothing else. Since being married I discovered that his contributions with all the add-ons is double the amount he discussed with me before marriage. I didn’t agree to this and I don’t think it is fair.”

We appreciate this must be frustrating for a spouse that feels they have been misled.

But as a counterpoint to this, things are always slightly vague before marriage. It’s often hard to get really into specifics for how life will look in 5-50 years’ time. Because lives change and circumstances evolve.

Things to discuss

It is a helpful exercise when those who are not yet married, are meeting someone for marriage, to think about an average monthly family cash flow and think about who will pay what. You might even consider talking through a few simple scenarios with your spouse-to-be when you meet.

Ultimately though, nothing very definitive should be expected but the exercise should be helpful in giving you a sense of your spouse-to-be in terms of where they see the financial duties and obligations to lie.

It also helps you to get a sense of how the other person think and deals with finances.

Red lines

There are of course hard promises and red lines that you can pre-agree with your spouse before you get married (e.g. “I will continue my career and you must support me with that” and “I am only marrying you on the firm commitment from you that you won’t marry a second wife”) – those shouldn’t be compromised and you may (depending on dynamics) consider getting these commitments written down and formally agreed by both sides.

Once you are married and find out that a handful of niggly things are a little different, we wouldn’t pick on those points and make a big deal of them.

Should I raise it with my spouse?

How do you know an issue is small and niggly or large and important? If the issue goes to the heart of one spouses obligations to the other (e.g. they cannot have children, or are financially in a materially different position to what they said they were, or they have a previous marriage with children) then that definitely needs a conversation.

Conclusion

The husband has the financial responsibility for his family in Islam, however a wife, especially one that works, should contribute to the expenses as much as she thinks is appropriate (though she mustn’t feel like she should from her husband’s side). This is particularly so where the husband is relatively less affluent.

Speaking personally, during the earlier part of my career my wife has loaned me money at times where otherwise it would been impossible to make ends meet. That’s how marriages work in reality. Bit of give and take, and lots of muddling along!

Before we wrap up, it’s worth remembering that many people think that Islam is only about spirituality and religion. But it’s also about how to live a happy life. And one of the most essential parts of a happy life is having financial stability.

Building that stability doesn’t just come from saving — it also comes from learning how to invest wisely and in line with your values.  Not sure where to start?

Sign up to our newsletter and get access to our free email course: The 5 Money Mistakes Keeping Muslims Poor (and How to Fix Them). It’s packed with practical tips to help you build better financial habits and grow your income the halal way.

And if you’re curious, check out what we’re doing at Cur8 Capital where we’re working on creating world class, ethical and Sharia compliant investment products for all.